Eerie, Indiana Agony Aunt Challenge

[froodle]

Eerie is a town with issues. Whether it's shitty parenting, missing kids, the fact that the spectre of death haunts every pint of milk left on your doorstep or just an overly-amorous hominid pursuing a relationship with you against your will, the people in Eerie have problems, and they need help.

For this challenge, write a letter to an advice column from the POV of one of Eerie's beleaguered citizens, or the reply they might receive. Maybe you could write both, or maybe you could reply to someone else's cry for help.