Fic: Birds and the Bees

[lipstickcat.livejournal.com]

Finally! I made fic for the fandom! \o/ Made for the Sunday prompt Leaves. I treated it as a 15 minute fic, set the timer on my phone and this is what I hammered out....


Dash laughed so hard at Simon's puzzled face, twisted and squinting up at him. In his mind, Dash had considered hanging with the younger boy babysitting duty, while Marshall was busy running around with whatever kid his own age he'd made friends with now. The truth was though, that Dash WAS a kid Marshall's own age and he'd still chosen to go running off with some other guy. It wasn't like Dash wasn't edgy or a weird mystery all bundled up in himself. He totally fulfilled Marshall's cool guys to hang with criteria.

So anyway, yeah. Dash kinda got where Simon was coming from; sitting there on that wheel and trying for all the world to look like not falling off was the most entertaining thing a kid could do alone while avoiding going home. Dash knew that boat, he was floating along in a similar one, just he didn't have a home to avoid going back to.

Figuring out how to connect with Simon, though, that was something else altogether. It didn't help that Dash was more mature than his years, thanks to that pesky not having a home thing. Maybe telling dirty jokes wasn't the best decision.

"I don't get why that's funny. That's a panda's diet isn't it? Bamboo leaves?"

Dash rolled his eyes and sighed.

"No, you're not getting it. It's not about his diet. He eats. Shoots. And leaves." He waved his hands, punctuating each part.

Simon just stared at him.

Just how old was Simon again? They'd done sex ed. in school, right? Dash was regretting more than the joke now; he was regretting his whole life choices, as limited as his memory of them was.

"You know what I mean by shoots, right?" He made a couple of fist jerking gestures. Then a couple more, lower, around his waist area. Simon shook his head minutely. Dash opened his hand up in a couple of little explosive bursts, accompanied by a soft, wet sound effect.

"...... You get that the panda had sex with her, right?"

Simon crinkled his face in disgust and Dash laughed again. He couldn't remember a time he'd not wanted to do it but there must have been one. He was probably innocent once too.

"Come on kid." He put his arm around Simon's shoulder. "I got some magazines I need to show you..."

If Marshall wanted to have a playdate with other kids, that was fine. It would be up to Dash to teach Simon the finer points of the birds and the bees.

Comments

[froodle]

The wheel! I officially loved this fic the minute you mentioned Simon on the giant wheel. And Marshall's one-episode friends, and and and sex ed and whats so cool about a girl and... oh just everything!

[lipstickcat.livejournal.com]

*g* That wheel should have its own staring role in fics XD

[froodle]

That wheel is Simon's backup best friend.

[deifire]

*snerk*

Hilarious! Poor Simon and Dash. If the series had gone on long enough, this would have been the inevitable result of Marshall making his friend of the week.

And I shudder at the probable accuracy of the sex education Simon's likely to get from an amnesiac maybe-thirteen-year-old...

[froodle]

oh my god, esp if hes learning it from skin mags and pornos. Because everyone pauses to do a dramatic learning back/hair tossing/boob exposing pose midcoitus, despite the fact that that position.would mean youre putting your full weight on your partners nards...

[eviinsanemonkey.livejournal.com]

I guess if your partner's like. Superman or something. you're good.

[froodle]

lol true! but that really only is likely to happen if youre ALSO on the superpowered spectrum yourself

[deifire]

Otherwise, you risk the whole Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex scenario.

[froodle]

just the title of that made me cross my legs and flinch!!

[lipstickcat.livejournal.com]

I'm pretty sure that's where most 13 year olds do learn about sex...

[froodle]

Which explains why they go on to be sixteen year olds who have so much disappointing sex

[deifire]

And I'm realizing the potential implications of the fact that "backing down and admitting I was wrong and/or I don't know as much as I think I do" is really not anybody's strong suit in Mars and Dash's whole dynamic, and that seems unlikely to change all that much as they get older...

[froodle]

well, they wont admit it to other people, but at some point the internet becomes a factor so, you know, research. also, practice. a LOT of practice.

[lipstickcat.livejournal.com]

................ I think I'm dying a little at the thought of a series of short fics covering this theme.... Maybe a little coming of age stuff....

[froodle]

OH MY GOD YES THIS HAS TO EXIST

[deifire]

Yes, this so needs to be a thing!

[lipstickcat.livejournal.com]

I feel like there should be more fic, wth Dash giving his version of sex ed, complete with more actions and sound effects.

[froodle]

there is NO WAY this doesn't need to be a series

[eviinsanemonkey.livejournal.com]

oh.

oh no.

oh simon.

RUN!

I do like Dash trying to figure out how to like...entertain/connect with Simon.

[lipstickcat.livejournal.com]

Dash and Simon are such polar opposites, I can see them getting on quite well and learning from each other, given time...

[froodle]

we definitely need more fic that is just dash and simon having adventures together. orphans for the win?

[froodle]

you know hed be so awkward and weird about it!

[froodle]

I will never be tired of simon and the giant wooden wheel

[froodle]

<3 this is too funny