Eerie, Indiana fanfiction: PixiePaste

[froodle]

Dash was crushing pixies in a garlic press when Marshall got home. A heavy cast-iron skillet was warming on the stove, next to a pile of broken egg shells and a chopping board covered in unevenly hacked chunks of chorizo.

“Psychotropic omelette?” Marshall guessed, picking up the small trash can out of the corner and sweeping the egg shells into it. “You won’t get either of us high enough to do your chores, Dash.”

Dash looked at him in confusion, then glanced over at the stove and shook his head.

“Nah, it’s Simon’s turn to cook tonight.” He set the garlic press down and wiped his fingers on a tea-towel, leaving a trail of glittering pulverised fairy goo on the red flannel. “Strictly non-hallucinatory meals all the way.”

“So what’s with the dead Tinkerbelles?”

“You know that cult that meets in the basement of Eerie General on Thursday nights?”

“The Benevolent Order for the Betterment of Hungry Ghosts?”

“No, that’s Tuesday in the alley behind the World o’ Stuff.”

“Ancient Brotherhood of the End Times?”

“Moved to the Eerie Library on Saturday afternoons, after Children’s Reading Hour.”

“Those weird dancing jackalope guys?”

“Disbanded last summer. Something about a controversial half-turn during a ceremonial do-si-do splitting the ranks.”

“Aw no,” said Marshall. “I really liked their Saturnalia mummeries.”

Dash shrugged. “They were okay,” he allowed. “Always thought they got more attention than they deserved, though. Maybe now people will start appreciating the Unkind Ones’ Christmas pantomime for the under-rated masterpiece of theatre that it is.”

Marshall stared at him. Dash reddened, then scowled.

“What? They do their own musical arrangements and original songs. It’s impressive!”

“Okay,” said Mars, tabling the artistic merits of Eerie’s most notorious biker gang for another time, or hopefully never. “So which one’s the hospital cult again?”

“The All-Seeing Eye of the Truthiest Truth Seekers,” said Dash.

Marshall groaned.

“The Poplio groupies? Those goons in the stupid popcorn hats who stand in front of the Eerieplex moaning and chanting and bleeding from the eyeballs whenever there’s a movie showing?”

“That’s them,” said Dash. “Their mission is to ‘see the unseen’, even when the unseen is demonstrably terrible and mind-breaking.” He held up the small mixing bowl full of sparkling pixie-paste. “Hence the fairy dust. They put it in eye drops or something equally stupid and unhygienic and it lets them ‘lift the veil of human perception’, blah-blah-blah, enjoy an eternity screaming into the void, idiots, now pay me.”

Marshall pulled a roll of cling-film from the kitchen drawer and handed it over.

“Normally, I’d be against you exploiting the cosmically unhinged,” he said. “But those bozos ruined Corn Critters 7 with their wailing, so...”

Dash grinned.





Microwave-verse

Bonfire by froodle, in which Pinocchio is ruined forever

Gingerbread by froodle, in which there is a witch in the Eerie Woods

Leaves by froodle, in which plantlife finds Marshall entirely too enticing

Offspring by froodle, in which there are dragons

Based on Your Previous Purchases by froodle, in which Mars should really pay attention to Amazon's reccomendations

Housework by froodle, in which a rota cannot be agreed upon

Breakfast by froodle, in which Dash's attempts at cookery do not go well

Ghost in the Machine by froodle, in which a new laptop opens an old wound

Consequences by froodle, in which an encounter with leprechauns leaves the boys very tired indeed

The Microwave by froodle, in which Andrea Fantucci returns to Eerie after a considerable absense

The Eldritch Abomination in the Room by froodle, in which the microwave is most definitely not discussed

Basic Household Maintenance by froodle, in which manticores are inconsiderate houseguests

Torrential by froodle, in which there is a storm, and the boys eat ice-cream

Linens by froodle, in which Dash X makes a bed

Night Music by froodle, in which Simon is woken by a nocturnal visitor

In For The Night by froodle, in which Dash refuses to leave the house

Hound by froodle, in which Simon makes a friend

Errands by froodle, in which Simon has a to-do list

Waterlogged by froodle, in which Eerie experiences heavy rainfall

Wildlife by froodle, in which Simon and Marshall go to the beach

Rainbow by froodle, in which Dash fails to properly appreciate Michael Flatley

Jackolantern by froodle, in which the local pumpkin patch has a problem

Comments

[deifire]

Thank you so much for posting this! I needed to laugh right now, and this delivered!

And now I'm wondering how many hallucinatory meals Dash has cooked for them...

[froodle]

:D

so many. so many meals spent tripping balls. altho mars is probably more coherent on drugs than off them, at least to the non initiate.

[eviinsanemonkey.livejournal.com]

oh god this is glorious. i needed this today.

[froodle]

:D