May. 12th, 2020

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It's Tuesday, so today you get a choice between two prompts. Pick one, combine both, pit them against each other - on Tuesday, you choose!

This week, your options are:

Bert versus Ernie
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So after [livejournal.com profile] friendof_dorothy and [livejournal.com profile] deifire respectively made me remember fanmixes and Five Things fic in the space of a single day, I decided it would be fun to have a Fandom Tropes challenge once a month, to remind us of all the stuff that used to be super common in fandom that maybe we don't see as much as we'd like to these days.

Your prompt for this month is: And They Were Roommates
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Today is World Nurses Day, so let's mark the occasion with some Nurse Nancy-themed fanworks!
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"Krakens?" said the Mayor. He laughed, unconvincingly. "They're extinct!"

He made a dismissive, wavy sort of gesture. The gesture was also highly unconvincing.

"First of all, wrong," said Marshall.

"Secondly, rude," Simon added.

The Faceless Aide hovering at Chisel's shoulder covered the smooth blankness where it's mouth should be, as though trying to hide a non-existent grin.

Marshall set a floral-patterned scrapbook down on the Mayor's pristine and unblotted blotter. Chisel glanced at the blowsy roses decorating the cover and his eyebrows rose.

"Professional," he said.

"It was what was left," said Marshall. "It's the start of the school year."

Ongoing Verse: Microwave

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Ongoing Verse: The Powers That Be

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The Mayor leaned back in his oversized office chair, fingers steepled, expression condescending. The Faceless Aide stepped forward and flipped the scrapbook open, positioning it in the centre of the enormous polished desk.

"I appreciate your use of embellishments, boys," Chisel said, deigning to flip through a couple of pages. "Very... crafty. Did you take your lessons from the Unkind Ones or the Ladies?"

"Both," said Simon. "Part of the service is providing the information you asked for in an attractive, easy-to-understand format."

Chisel tugged at a length of slime-green ribbon, and a concertina of folded paper unfurled towards him.


Ongoing Verse: The Powers That Be

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Ongoing Verse: Microwave

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The four of them watched as parchment tendrils expanded in every direction, spreading across the desk and trailing over the edges to brush against the thick plush carpet. That is, the Mayor, Marshall and Simon watched. Without any visible expression, it was impossible to tell what the Faceless Aide was seeing.

"Impressive," said Chisel. "But a big drawing is still just a drawing. Neatly labelling it 'accurate diagram of a Kraken' doesn't prove anything."

"We glued it to the page with Kraken scales!" said Marshall, jabbing his finger at the shimmering iridescent discs that dotted the illustration.

"Sequins," Chisel said.

Ongoing Verse: Microwave

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Ongoing Verse: The Powers That Be

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Marshall inhaled, the sharp, shallow intake of breath he usually took right before telling someone or something to go fuck itself.

Simon didn't blame him - they'd worked hard on that scrapbook, not to mention the effort that had gone into the investigation itself - but righteous fury wouldn't get the electric bill paid.

He stepped between his best friend and the smirking politician, grabbed the origami sea monster by the nearest carefully-folded appendage, and yanked the file back across the desk and into his free hand.

(He'd practiced this move at home beforehand, and was secretly pleased to show it off)

Ongoing Verse: The Powers That Be

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Ongoing Verse: Microwave

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"Fine," Simon said, snapping the book shut with a soft whump. "If you don't like our work, we'll keep the half of our fee you paid upfront, skip the rest, and we're taking our research with us."

He slipped the scrapbook into his messenger bag, wedging it tight between the fresh bag of jackalope jerky he'd bought that morning, and an enchanted seal skin that he was supposed to return to the lake because, according to Janet, it kept turning up at the Baitshop and trying to trick her into marrying it's owner.

He really needed to get on that...

Ongoing Verse: Microwave

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Ongoing Verse: The Powers That Be

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Ongoing Verse: Janet

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The Mayor didn't blanch - he'd held public office in Eerie for too long for a little thing like contract disputes to phase him - but he did lower the amount of smugness he was putting out in favour of a kind of avuncular menace.

That was fine with Simon. He wasn't even sure he had uncles, and Chisel at his most eldritch was still far preferable to the adults he'd grown up with.

"Now, lads," the Mayor said, spreading his hands wide in a way that made the bejewelled rings on his fingers gleam in the light. "Let's not be hasty."

Ongoing Verse: The Powers That Be

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Ongoing Verse: Microwave

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"We're not being hasty," said Marshall. "The key indicator of how not-hasty we're being is the fact that we didn't bring Dash along, because he probably would have tried to stab you with the Kraken tooth we retrieved."

Simon looked at the gold-inlaid carriage clock that sat on the mantelpiece above the Mayor's ornamental fire, then checked his own watch.

"But this appointment was only supposed to last a half-hour, and we're meeting other clients," he said.

"Paying clients," said Marshall. "Clients that don't talk to us like we're thirteen and they just tried to feed us to a werewolf."

Ongoing Verse: Microwave

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Ongoing Verse: The Powers That Be

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The Mayor tsked.

"You're still mad about that," he said. "It was over a decade ago! How many things have tried to eat you since then?"

"Lots," said Marshall. "Including, most recently, the kraken you asked us to look into."

The Mayor raised one finger and waggled it slowly at the two investigators.

"I asked you to look into the rash of mysteriously disappearing tourists around Lake Eerie," he corrected them. "A body of water that is completely safe, a draw for our many valued visitors, and that also isn't big enough to support a full-grown Kraken."

"It's a baby."


Ongoing Verse: The Powers That Be

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Ongoing Verse: Microwave

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This time, the Mayor did blanch.

"We think it's a couple of babies," Simon corrected himself, and savoured the little thrill of satisfaction as the Mayor paled still further.

"At the very least," he added, hoping to make it a hat trick, but it wasn't to be. Chisel simply gave him a hard look, and eve the Faceless Aide tilted it's featureless head in a way that signified disapproval.

"We can go on," said Marshall. "If you want. But first you need to pay the rest of our bill, and you can stop doing-" he gestured at Chisel's face. "That."


Ongoing Verse: Microwave

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Ongoing Verse: The Powers That Be

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For his part, the Mayor seemed more amused than insulted.

"That's just my face," he said. "I hope you don't go around telling all of your clients to fix how they look."

"Just the condescendingly evil ones," said Marshall.

Chisel turned this over in his mind.

"Fine," he said. "In the interests of keeping part of Eerie's tourist economy alive long enough to drain their wallets, I will allow you to tell me about the Kraken spawning out on the lake."

Marshall and Simon exchanged a glance. Marshall nodded, and Simon pulled out the scrapbook.

"We think it's the pirates."

Ongoing Verse: The Powers That Be

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Ongoing Verse: Microwave

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"We know that the Ghost Pirates came here via the Phantom Ocean," said Marshall.

He waited for a moment, but as Chisel didn't seem inclined to argue this obvious fact, he continued:

"We know that they stayed here after the ocean relocated the first time, and we know that they've chosen not to go with it when it's reappeared since."

The Mayor nodded.

"We also know that sometimes the ocean brings other things to the lake, and that those things can get stuck here."

"The seagulls," said Chisel, nodding again. "They're wrecking havoc on French-fry sales and the Pteranodon population."

Ongoing Verse: Microwave

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Ongoing Verse: The Powers That Be

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This time it was Marshall's turn to nod. He'd been at the Baitshop the last time the gulls had attacked, and it had given him a new appreciation for what Hitchcock had been trying to do with "The Birds".

"Right," he said. "And we think at least some of the Lorelei aren't native to Indiana either. But like you said, Lake Eerie shouldn't be big enough to support a deep-ocean cryptid like the Kraken."

"And it isn't," said Simon. "Not a full-grown one, anyway. But we think that the Phantom Ocean's real home might be near their spawning ground, so..."

Ongoing Verse: The Powers That Be

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Ongoing Verse: Microwave

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"So the last time it was pulled here, it took some of the Kraken eggs with it," finished Marshall. "And Lake Eerie is deep enough to hide Kraken spawn, at least for as long as it took them to hatch."

He took the scrapbook from Simon and opened it to a page near the back, where vacuum-sealed specimen slides were surrounded by a colourful crepe paper border.

"We found a weird jelly on the north shore," he said. "Our working theory is that that's where the eggs washed up, which is why they didn't get eaten by the Eerie Swans."

Ongoing Verse: Microwave

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Ongoing Verse: The Powers That Be

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Chisel was silent for a long moment, mulling the situation over in his mind.

Finally, he asked:

"In your opinion, what are the odds that the swans eliminate the kraken threat on their own, without outside interference?"

"Over time?" said Simon, taking back the scrapbook and turning to a line graph that spread over two pages. "Good. The kraken will eat the summer people, the swans won't get bread, they'll grow hungry and resentful and they'll kill the krakens for both food and revenge."

"But by then the tourists will all be dead," the Mayor guessed.

Simon and Marshall nodded.

Ongoing Verse: The Powers That Be

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Ongoing Verse: Microwave

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"The other alternative," Simon said, "Is that you contract with the Ghost Pirates to try to lure the kraken-babies back into the Phantom Ocean the next time it shows up, and keep them there long enough for the reality of Lake Eerie to reassert itself and sever the connection."

Chisel thought about this.

"Expensive," he mused. "And there's no guarantee the Pirates would make it back, which might adversely affect visitor numbers for years to come if tourists aren't spotting a ghostly galleon on the lake every night..."

He opened a drawer and pulled out his cheque book.

"Thanks, boys."

Ongoing Verse: Microwave

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Ongoing Verse: The Powers That Be

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They stood in line at the Eerie Savings and Loan, waiting while Fred Suggs counted out a huge stack of bills for a rotund man in a red fez hat and white suit.

"What do you think he'll do?" asked Simon.

Marshall shrugged.

"I think he'll let it work itself out," he said. "I'm more worried about him keeping those specimen samples. I don't like the idea of Chisel having access to kraken DNA."

"Yeah," said Simon. "Same. Which is why I switched out the egg-jelly for agar nutrient before our appointment."

Marshall grinned.

"You're a genius, Simon!" he exclaimed.


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Ongoing Verse: Microwave

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