Eerie, Indiana Agony Aunt Challenge

[froodle]

Eerie is a town with issues. Whether it's shitty parenting, missing kids, the fact that the spectre of death haunts every pint of milk left on your doorstep or just an overly-amorous hominid pursuing a relationship with you against your will, the people in Eerie have problems, and they need help.

For this challenge, write a letter to an advice column from the POV of one of Eerie's beleaguered citizens, or the reply they might receive. Maybe you could write both, or maybe you could reply to someone else's cry for help.

Comments

[deifire]

I've been listening to the archives of the Dear Prudence podcast on my commute recently and thought about this challenge--and my own complete and utter failure to produce anything for it--during an episode where he complains he never gets any letters about ghosts.

[froodle]

Does he gets letters from ghosts? Like, say, a guy who waited sixty two years for a girl only for her to turn around and dump him the moment her spectral new feet failed to touch the ground?

[deifire]

OMG, that needs to be written!

Alas, no letters from ghosts so far. Or wizards, despite a lament in an episode I heard last night. Between that and referencing Welcome to Night Vale at one point, I can't help but think, yeah, he could at least be competent at handling the problems of the citizens of Eerie.

(Despite the fact that I know any advice regarding my OTP would be less "Well, life is a rich tapestry..." and more "No! Fuck this entire situation!")

[froodle]

It so does! And the note from the living boy with the permanently snowy attic because said lovelorn ghost won t leave him alone despite the fact that they're not even friends!

(and yeah, tbf is have a hard time disagreeing with any advice columnist who suggested that maybe, just maybe, it's okay to be single rather than date someone who tried to shoot you)

[deifire]

Yes! Worst unwanted houseguest ever!

Yeah, even in Eerie, I have a hard time imagining advice that goes, “Attempted murder in alternate realities is just a thing that happens between couples sometimes, and aside from that, this seems like a happy, healthy relationship...”

[froodle]

I want to see Marshall getting the Captain Awkward style response of "you can just stop hanging out with people who annoy you" and responding with so much "yes, but..." that she metaphorically throws up her hands and walks away. And that goes for Tripp and Dash equally

[deifire]

Captain Awkward trying to deal with Eerie’s problems would be a thing of beauty!

There was an ep I listened to last night where someone was seeking help with a friend whose boyfriend is so annoying and does so many terrible things the friend comes close to breaking up with him at least 3-4 times a week...which aside from the fact that the pronouns were wrong and the caller used the phrase “neither of them are bad people” sounded awfully familiar...

[froodle]

The Commentariats usual flare for metaphors involving red flags would be invoked to tear-inducingly hilarious effect as well.

OH MY GOD. that called could totally be Simon, that sounds like a phrase Simon employs often and incorrectly