Eerie, Indiana fanfiction: Parade

[froodle]

Marshall started, jostling several nearby members of the tight-packed crowd. Some of them glared. He ignored them, pointing an accusatory finger at the winding row of floats making their ponderous way down Main Street.

“What is that?!” he demanded, fear and anger shredding his voice, stripping it back several years to the creaky tones of early adolescence.

Simon followed his gaze, standing on tiptoe to get a clear view. He looked at Mars in surprise, his eyebrows knitting together beneath the protective eye-guard of Mr. Radford’s Super Sanity Saver Sunglasses.

“That’s Poplio,” he said. “The eldritch abomination created from day-old popcorn when that meteor struck the Eerie Multiplex after-hours last winter?”

On a throne made from the screaming, frozen faces of the Eerie Multiplex’s previous cleaning crew, Poplio waved at the spectators. Distressingly bright-yellow butter-substitute oozed from between the mass of flakes and unexploded kernels that made up his physical form, eating little holes in the fabric of reality when it splashed on the ground, or on anyone who stood too close to the parade route.

From a window above them, there came the sound of panicked screaming. Someone had forgotten to don their Sanity Savers in good time, and the unfiltered sight of a creature from beyond the void made manifest in the corn and flesh of the human world had had the expected effect.

In the weeks leading up to the parade, the Eerie Chamber of Commerce had erected large billboards warning of the dangers of staring directly at things man was not meant to know. They did it every year, and every year, some reckless citizen failed to take due care and attention and thus ended their days howling in a padded cell in the basement of Eerie General.

Marshall made a tsking noise, sounding very like his mother did when he was late for dinner due to ongoing paranormal investigations. Simon thought he probably wasn’t aware of it, and it didn’t seem kind or necessary to point it out, so he stayed quiet.

“Not the popcorn monster, Simon,” he said. “That!”

He pointed to a float set up like an old-fashioned farm shop, trestle tables laden with bright-painted papier-mâché fruit and vegetables, a wicker basket overflowing with ping-pong balls to represent fresh eggs, and jars painted with aerodynamically improbable bumblebees celebrating Eerie’s burgeoning locally-produced honey industry.

A fresh-faced teenager in a frilly bonnet and carrying a shepherd’s crook stood in the centre, smiling winsomely. All around her, figures in a motley assortment of animal costumes capered with varying degrees of enthusiasm. A brunette in a fluffy white sheep costume with her broken arm held awkwardly in a sling glowered at the back of the shepherdess’s head.

Marshall made a rude gesture at Syndi. Syndi, in full public view, was unable to respond in kind, but the scowl that momentarily crossed her face presaged horror once she was unobserved.

Simon sighed. There was no actual proof that Syndi had deliberately sabotaged her classmate’s chance at the starring role, but that didn’t stop her younger brother from voicing his suspicions, loudly, often, and at length. Mars read his train of thought on his face and shook his head.

“This isn’t about Syndi,” he said, “Although she definitely used witchcraft to push Marjorie Bate off that sidewalk, even if I can’t prove it yet. No, look behind Marjorie.”

Simon did. He looked back at Marshall. He looked again at the tableau rolling ponderously along in front of them. He raised his hands in a helpless gesture of incomprehension. Marshall stared back at him, disbelief and disappointment warring in his expression.

“Simon,” he said slowly. “There is a Bigfoot on that parade float.”

Simon’s head whipped ’round at that.

“Ohh,” he said, understanding dawning. “No, Mars, that’s just ChimpBee.”

Now it was Marshall’s turn to stare blank-faced at his Trusted Associate.

“You know,” Simon continued. “ChimpBee. Half chimp, half bee? He’s the Eerie Honey Farm’s mascot.”

“Simon,” said Marshall, slowly and carefully. “That is a Bigfoot. It’s a Bigfoot in, for whatever reason, a skimpy bee outfit. There is a Bigfoot on stage in a stripy mini-dress and fake wings, and nobody seems to think that maybe there’s something wrong with this picture, most likely because these are the same people that thought “ChimpBee” was a great mascot for a honey company!”

People were turning to look at them now. An old lady with her steel-grey hair in a tight bun stared haughtily over the rims of her cats-eye spectacles.

“Young man,” she said icily. “ChimpBee represents the sacred union of land and air, the very spirit of community-minded endeavor that has helped Eerie become the wonderful town in which you are now privileged to live.”

Amidst the approving roar of the assembled watchers, ChimpBee hurled small sections of honeycomb to the crowd. The lucky recipients were quickly enveloped in a buzzing swarm of Eerie Honeybees and borne aloft, their bodies to be hollowed out and used to birth a new generation of Apis Inusitus.

“It’s a Bigfoot,” said Marshall sulkily, unheeded amidst the screams.






Trusted Associates, Inc.

Surprise by froodle, in which Mars tries to make sure Simon's birthday goes a little better this year

The Glade by froodle, in which Simon and Mars visit a place that only exists on February 29th

Boardwalk by froodle, in which Simon and Mars are swayed by radio advertising

Lady in Red by froodle, in which Simon experiments on the old-fashioned radio in the Secret Spot, and horror ensues

Seafoam by froodle, in which Simon and Marshall go to the seaside

A Night at the Circus by froodle, in which a carnivale comes to town, and Marshall and Simon do not enjoy themselves

Taking a Break by froodle, in which Simon and Marshall enjoy some much-needed R&R

Shoreline by froodle, in which Simon and Marshall investigate strange happenings on the shores of Lake Eerie

Hound by froodle, in which Simon makes a friend

Errands by froodle, in which Simon has a to-do list

Comments

[eviinsanemonkey.livejournal.com]

ohhh my god that's too hilarious and wonderful xD

[froodle]

Thankyou!

[deifire]

Everything about this is fantastic!!!

Eldritch popcorn abomination!

[froodle]

BOW TO POPLIO!!