Eerie, Indiana fanfiction: Obedience

[froodle]

The Undying God was in the conifers, whispering through the needles. A lined face appeared amidst the bark and the boles, the scales of the heavy spruce cones spreading wide. The robins that flitted from branch to branch grew still and silent, their black eyes turned to the confrontation taking place below.

“Simon,” rustled the Undying God, its voice the endless running of the stream that carves waterways through bedrock. “Simon Holmes.”

Simon stared upwards, one hand raised to shield his eyes from the pale winter sun that shone straight into his face. His other hand was a fist clenched tight around a heavy leash made of bear sinew and mountain root. A dread Hellhound, fur coal-black and covered in a guard coat of writhing vipers, strained at the other end of the rope.

“Your thrice-accursed dog keeps pissing in my sacred grove,” the Undying God rumbled, shaking the earth around it.

Simon’s mouth opened to form a carefully scripted apology, attempting to pull Sparky to heel as he did so. Gleipnir parted with a twang and the fearsome beast leapt forward.

“Get back here!” shouted Simon.

Sparky ignored him, all three heads lowered as he gave an exploratory snuffle at the roots of the God-Tree.

“Bad dog!” rasped the Undying God, tectonic plates grinding against each other as it spoke.

“Oh, Sparky, no,” said Simon sadly.





Microwave-verse

Bonfire by froodle, in which Pinocchio is ruined forever

Gingerbread by froodle, in which there is a witch in the Eerie Woods

Leaves by froodle, in which plantlife finds Marshall entirely too enticing

Offspring by froodle, in which there are dragons

Based on Your Previous Purchases by froodle, in which Mars should really pay attention to Amazon's reccomendations

Housework by froodle, in which a rota cannot be agreed upon

Breakfast by froodle, in which Dash's attempts at cookery do not go well

Ghost in the Machine by froodle, in which a new laptop opens an old wound

Consequences by froodle, in which an encounter with leprechauns leaves the boys very tired indeed

The Microwave by froodle, in which Andrea Fantucci returns to Eerie after a considerable absense

The Eldritch Abomination in the Room by froodle, in which the microwave is most definitely not discussed

Basic Household Maintenance by froodle, in which manticores are inconsiderate houseguests

Torrential by froodle, in which there is a storm, and the boys eat ice-cream

Linens by froodle, in which Dash X makes a bed

Night Music by froodle, in which Simon is woken by a nocturnal visitor

In For The Night by froodle, in which Dash refuses to leave the house

Hound by froodle, in which Simon makes a friend

Errands by froodle, in which Simon has a to-do list

Waterlogged by froodle, in which Eerie experiences heavy rainfall

Wildlife by froodle, in which Simon and Marshall go to the beach

Rainbow by froodle, in which Dash fails to properly appreciate Michael Flatley

Jackolantern by froodle, in which the local pumpkin patch has a problem

Comments

[eviinsanemonkey.livejournal.com]

ahahahahaha this is hilarious and wonderful!!!

poor Undying God

poor Simon

[deifire]

Yes! My thoughts exactly! Raising a hellhound cannot be easy.

Thank you for this, froodle! It made me laugh and put the difficult morning I'm having with my pets in perspective.

[froodle]

tails in your coffee, collapsed t shirt rail or something even more nefarious?

[deifire]

Elder Cat not wanting to take her meds and then getting sick all over the place. Middle cat feeling neglected and acting out to get attention. (And also going to sleep on my suit jacket and shedding all over it when I was trying to clean up after the Elder Cat.)

I really should give the youngest cat tuna tonight for being perfectly behaved through all of this.

[froodle]

are the older cats likely to beat up youngest cat for the tuna if they find out? because that would be the perfect ending to a day of cat woes...

[deifire]

Middle cat does not like tuna. (He's kinda weird that way.) And Elder Cat...well, in her prime she might. I'll probably also give her tuna because it was a hard morning for her, too.

[froodle]

no doubt he doesnt need tuna because hes full up on human rage at having to redo the laundry! poor elder cat tho. did you get her to take them in the end?

i had a rabbit who was underweight every time i took him to the vet for a booster shot and check up, because no matter what treats or supplements or medically balanced pellets i got him... he stole and ate my panties. his sisterwives would take treats right out of my hand but not thlayli, the little strange bastard.

[deifire]

LOL! That is one weird rabbit!

She did take them eventually. Which was good, because I had reached the point where I was going to be late for a Very Important Meeting. (So I guess I shouldn't let her find out that if she had just been slightly more stubborn, she might have gotten to skip a dose.)

[froodle]

he was SO WEIRD. id give him toilet roll tubes to play with and he's hold them upright in his mouth and walk around with his head held really high as though he was carrying the olympic torch. he headbutted my cat right off my bed and would rattle the bars of his pen if i tried watching colin farrell.

omg delete that comment, your elder cat is probably reading your internet history in search of weakness!!

[deifire]

How did the cat react?

Gah! You're probably right. I'm sure Elder Cat is monitoring the Eerie comm. And any other place I hang out online.

[froodle]

he fell off the bed, flipped over to land on his paws, froze for a couple of seconds, and then very nonchalently walked out. purely his choice, you understand. he had important cat biz to do in other rooms.

if i log in one day and all your fic is rewritten to focus on cat OCs, ill know she gpt your password...

[deifire]

"Battling the forces of weirdness is overrated," said Marshall. "From now on, my life's mission will be devoted to paying attention to this cat and feeding her tuna all time."

"I was born to do nothing but pay attention to this cat," said Simon.

[froodle]

...is it weird that i actually want to know where this goes?

More Eerie as written by my cat

[deifire]

When she'd had enough tuna and attention, the cat went sleep for several hours. When she woke up, the boys were gone, so she pawed the front door open--it had not been dead-bolted, and therefore such a thing was easy for a clever half-Siamese*--and slipped outside.

The first thing she encountered was a snarly sort of silly-looking poodle. She beat it up. She tried to do the same to the huskie she encountered a bit later, but it ran away Stupid dogs. They talked tough with all their shouting about revolution, but hiss at them and show them a little bit of claw, and they fled in terror.

She walked downtown and into a store that smelled of too many humans, but also of food.

"You're a kitty!" said the man behind the counter, because that was the sort of thing humans said. "In fact, you're the greatest and best-looking kitty I've ever seen! How about some free food on the house?"

The man, whose name was Mr. Radford, gave her a small dish of ice cream with whipped cream on top and some tuna. She ate as much as she could, and then a little more than that, and then barfed on a selection of expensive rugs the World O' Stuff had just gotten in that morning.

Then she went to sleep on a selection of black sweaters in the clothing aisle.


*Author's human's note: Actual cautionary tale for anybody taking care of my cats.

Re: More Eerie as written by my cat

[deifire]

When the cat woke up, she found that Mr. Radford had called the mayor, who also declared her to be the greatest kitty ever, and then decided that today should be an official town holiday in her honor.

It became an annual tradition, during which every year the good citizens of Eerie sacrificed one of their own to ensure her continued health and well-being.

She stayed with Marshall and Simon because they were clever and because they knew how to work a can opener. And also because every once in a while, they would realize there was something wrong.

"Simon," Marshall said one day when she woke up, "didn't we used to do things besides taking care of this cat?"

"I...I don't know, Mars," Simon replied. "I feel like I remember there used to be something else...something important..."

She jumped onto Marshall's chest and began to knead his Giants sweatshirt while looking into his eyes and purring.

"Or maybe not," Marshall said. "I can't imagine anything could ever be more important than this cat."

"Yeah," said Simon, also starting to fall back under the spell of her purr and her very cute wide, blue eyes. "I guess you're right."

But she could tell by their scent and the look in their eyes that deep down, part of them knew. Part of them would always be fighting her influence. And would never quite be strong enough.

She curled up on Marshall's chest and went to sleep, content in the warmth and the smell of human misery.

Re: More Eerie as written by my cat

[froodle]

this.is.perfect.

Now all I want to do is read Eerie fanfiction written by cats. Like, for the rest of my life, to the point of not eating or sleeping.

Re: More Eerie as written by my cat

[deifire]

There is absolutely not a cat reading this right now and purring at the thought of a job well done...

RE: Re: More Eerie as written by my cat

[froodle]

of course if the whole world starves to death due to eerie catfic who will feed her?

oh wait, she'll just eat our corpses...

Re: More Eerie as written by my cat

[froodle]

e ate as much as she could, and then a little more than that, and then barfed on a selection of expensive rugs the World O' Stuff had just gotten in that morning.

Actually, in real life laughed out loud at this part!

[deifire]

he fell off the bed, flipped over to land on his paws, froze for a couple of seconds, and then very nonchalently walked out. purely his choice, you understand. he had important cat biz to do in other rooms.

That is such a cat reaction!

[froodle]

right?! i dont think i helped his dignity by laughing super loudly at him tho

[deifire]

I have done the same cruel thing to my cats' dignity many times.

[froodle]

I'm pretty sure in their minds it just shows our lack of breeding and general good sense

[froodle]

who's harder to keep in line - a hellhound or Harley?