Eerie, Indiana fanfiction: Statistically Possible

[froodle]

"Would you calm down?" said Dash. "It's not that big a deal. You're over-reacting."

"People tell me that all the time," said Mars. "And do you know how many times it's actually been true?"

Dash rolled his eyes, already drawing breath to say something like "I don't know, all of them?", when Marshall cut him off.

"Thirty seven," he said. "Out of the three hundred and eighty-two semi-professional weirdness investigations I've carried out since moving here, thirty-seven of them turned out to have logical, non-Eerie explanations. That means nine times out of ten, whatever I was worried about really did want to chew off your face, hollow out your organs and use your corpse as a flesh suit to walk amongst the living, or suck your soul out through your blood."

"Wait, what?" squeaked Syndi.

"Psychic vampire mosquito plague last summer," said Simon.

"We took care of it, don't worry," added Marshall.

"You did not," said Dash. "You had that twitchy bowtie-wearing nerd from the weather forecast bring down a cold spell that killed them all."

"Well, we were the ones that told him about it," said Marshall.

"He did already have all that dry ice on hand, Mars," said Simon. "I think he might have figured it out on his own."

Marshall glared at him. Dash laughed.

"Hang on," said Syndi. "Was that what was going on with the whole town turning into hollow-eyed, hollow-cheeked shambling mockeries of the human form last July? I thought it was because of those stupid fad-diet energy bars the World o' Stuff started selling. I wrote an article in the school newspaper criticising them."

"Oh," said Simon. "No, that wasn't the mosquitoes. The energy bar thing was a ploy by Limos, Goddess of Famine, to starve the town and gain power from the gnawing hunger of her unwitting worshippers." He paused. "I did wonder why she dropped off the radar."

"Power of the press," said Syndi. She looked at her brother. "Turns out I'm better at defeating the forces of weirdness than you are even without knowing it."

"Whatever," said Marshall. "I didn't see you help out when the novelty balloons from the Eerie Carnivale combined to form a helium hive-mind and started attacking people."

"One person," corrected Dash. "And it was a clown, so maybe not even a real person."

"Looking back, I think the balloon-golem might have been one of the good guys," said Simon. "When has a clown ever meant anything but danger?"

"Wow," said Syndi. "You guys killed an inflatable superhero? Lame."

Marshall threw up his hands in disgust.

"Fine!" he said. "Maybe that one was an error in judgement. But you guys," he waved a crumpled promotional flyer in their faces for emphasis, "I'm not wrong about this one!"

Dash made a grab for the leaflet and managed to snatch it on the second try.

"Bone-dry carpet cleaning?" he said. "What's weird about that?"

"Are you serious?" said Marshall. "Bone dry? Clearly they're using powdered human remains to dry out the carpets after they've been shampoo'd."

"That's pretty thin," said Syndi.

"It's thinner than people who've had their life-force drained by energy-bar-shilling famine-goddesses," said Dash.

Syndi laughed. The three boys turned to stare at her,and she reddened.

"Oh come on," she said. "That was funny and you know it."

"Are you guys sure you're related?" asked Dash.





Microwave-verse

Bonfire by froodle, in which Pinocchio is ruined forever

Gingerbread by froodle, in which there is a witch in the Eerie Woods

Leaves by froodle, in which plantlife finds Marshall entirely too enticing

Offspring by froodle, in which there are dragons

Based on Your Previous Purchases by froodle, in which Mars should really pay attention to Amazon's reccomendations

Housework by froodle, in which a rota cannot be agreed upon

Breakfast by froodle, in which Dash's attempts at cookery do not go well

Ghost in the Machine by froodle, in which a new laptop opens an old wound

Consequences by froodle, in which an encounter with leprechauns leaves the boys very tired indeed

The Microwave by froodle, in which Andrea Fantucci returns to Eerie after a considerable absense

The Eldritch Abomination in the Room by froodle, in which the microwave is most definitely not discussed

Basic Household Maintenance by froodle, in which manticores are inconsiderate houseguests

Torrential by froodle, in which there is a storm, and the boys eat ice-cream

Linens by froodle, in which Dash X makes a bed

Night Music by froodle, in which Simon is woken by a nocturnal visitor

In For The Night by froodle, in which Dash refuses to leave the house

Hound by froodle, in which Simon makes a friend

Errands by froodle, in which Simon has a to-do list

Waterlogged by froodle, in which Eerie experiences heavy rainfall

Wildlife by froodle, in which Simon and Marshall go to the beach

Rainbow by froodle, in which Dash fails to properly appreciate Michael Flatley

Jackolantern by froodle, in which the local pumpkin patch has a problem





Teller Family History

First Date by froodle, in which a young Edgar Teller shows off one of his earlier inventions

Popcorn by froodle. Friday night is always movie night in the Teller household.

The Teller Home for Displaced Youth by froodle, in which Edgar harbours some doubts about his new home town

Lawn by froodle, in which Marilyn Teller contemplaces some yardwork

Tornado Day, Revisited by froodle, in which Syndi learns exactly what it means to be Miss Tornado Day

Wildlife by froodle, in which Simon and Marshall go to the beach

Culinary Delights by froodle, in which Syndi's terrible cooking may or may not have been an accident

Camping by froodle, in which Syndi cannot sleep

Artist in the Family by froodle, in which an immortal creature takes a liking to Syndi

Without Due Care and Attention by froodle, in which Syndi finally becomes mobile

Waiting In by froodle, in which there is an ice-storm and a handyman does not arrive

Brunch by froodle, in which Marilyn does not appreciate Edgar's help in the kitchen

Handmade by froodle, in which the Tellers receive a Christmas package from Marilyn's mother

Poor Life Choices by froodle, in which Syndi loves her brother anyway

Lillian by froodle, in which Marilyn's mother has concerns

Visitor by froodle, in which Marshall's grandma comes to stay

Nap by froodle, in which Marshall has a quiet moment in the Secret Spot

Fresh Sheets by froodle

Tradition by froodle, in which Dash and Marshall decorate a Christmas tree

Hometown by froodle, in which Mars and Syndi visit New Jersey

Comments

[deifire]

Thirty-seven? In a row?

Seriously, everything about this is perfect!

[froodle]

I had to get it in there! I'm working out my grief!

[evilinsanemonkey]

this is so perfect!

[froodle]

:D