Eerie, Indiana fanfiction: Reconnaissance

[froodle]

There was an inflatable monkey lying amongst the detritus of the overflowing gutter that ran behind Everything Corn. Dash watched it out of the corner of his eye, keeping it in sight even as he unloaded crates of Cornade, Cornade Lite and Cornade X-TREME KWENCH!! from the panelled van bearing the Loyal Order’s corn-hatted livery.

Soon there was a rampart built of the Eerie Brewery’s finest (and most RADICAL!) range of locally-brewed corn-based soft drinks encircling the back door of Everything Corn. Dash brushed a smear of dust from his green and gold uniform jumpsuit and retrieved a clipboard and pencil from the drivers-side glove compartment. He made a quick count of the assembled inventory, lips moving silently as he counted, ticking items off as he went. The monkey stayed where it was.

Everything seemed to be in order. Dash took a deep breath and glanced away from the shrivelled, grinning shape long enough to knock on the warped wooden service door. A security light snapped on overhead and from within the darkened general store came the sound of bolts being drawn back. A crack appeared between the door and the frame, and a suspicious eye, bisected by a security chain, peered out.

“Delivery,” said Dash, proffering the clipboard with its triplicate layer of invoices.

“Is it still there?” whispered a hoarse voice.

“Yes,” said Dash. “But it seems to be dormant for the moment.”

The door closed briefly before opening wide, revealing a dusty storage area lined with mostly-empty shelves. The owner of Everything Corn was a tall man, so lean as to appear almost cadaverous, although there was a time when that wasn’t the case. He snatched the clipboard and scribbled a shaking signature at the bottom of the page. Dash removed the top sheet and passed it to him, tucking the others under one arm as he bent to pick up the first crate of virulent green Cornade Fresh bottles.

“You know,” he said as he carried it inside and set it against the far wall. “It might not be the worst thing in the world if you started carrying novelty inflatables that aren’t corn-themed.”

“I will not be cowed!” said the store owner. “The name of this shop is Everything Corn, not Everything Corn plus a bunch of tasteless non-corn gee-gaws.”

Dash shrugged.

“You have to stick to your principles, I guess,” he said, reaching into his breast pocket and pulling out a small cardboard box of thumb tacks. “You want the usual?”

“The mark-up on these is outrageous,” grumbled the store owner, forking over a handful of crumbled dollar bills.

“You can always go outside and buy them,” said Dash, pocketing the cash.

The harried shop keeper only scowled in response. Dash climbed back into the truck’s green and gold cab and gave him a jaunty wave as he pulled out of the alleyway. As he turned onto Front Street, watching in the rear-view mirror as an automated security grill slid into place over Everything Corn’s staff entrance, his radio crackled.

“What?” Dash demanded, picking up the receiver. The reply was garbled with static, but it was a refrain Dash had long become familiar with.

“No,” he said, shrugging even though there was nobody in the truck to see him. “If the guy wants to believe in an inflatable pool toy mafia, it’s not on me to tell him otherwise.”

Another squawk from the radio. Dash rolled his eyes.

“Well, I’ve never seen a blow-up monkey smash up a store front,” he said. “It sounds more like an insurance scam than an attack of the helium homunculi.”

The receiver crackled again.

“Then next time you can go under-cover as the delivery driver,” Dash snapped. “This is stupid. Simon’s waiting tables in a pair of novelty deely-boppers because you think Roswell’s Out-of-this-World Space Burger is a cover up for an actual alien incursion, I’m dealing with a man who thinks novelty balloons are out to get him, and you’re sat at home giving us grief over the radio.”

A pause, then the receiver burbled once more. Even with the popping and hissing, it managed a conciliatory tone.

"I guess so," said Dash. "Make sure you check there really aren't any people parts in the burgers before you order, though."





Microwave-verse

Bonfire by froodle, in which Pinocchio is ruined forever

Gingerbread by froodle, in which there is a witch in the Eerie Woods

Leaves by froodle, in which plantlife finds Marshall entirely too enticing

Offspring by froodle, in which there are dragons

Based on Your Previous Purchases by froodle, in which Mars should really pay attention to Amazon's reccomendations

Housework by froodle, in which a rota cannot be agreed upon

Breakfast by froodle, in which Dash's attempts at cookery do not go well

Ghost in the Machine by froodle, in which a new laptop opens an old wound

Consequences by froodle, in which an encounter with leprechauns leaves the boys very tired indeed

The Microwave by froodle, in which Andrea Fantucci returns to Eerie after a considerable absense

The Eldritch Abomination in the Room by froodle, in which the microwave is most definitely not discussed

Basic Household Maintenance by froodle, in which manticores are inconsiderate houseguests

Torrential by froodle, in which there is a storm, and the boys eat ice-cream

Linens by froodle, in which Dash X makes a bed

Night Music by froodle, in which Simon is woken by a nocturnal visitor

In For The Night by froodle, in which Dash refuses to leave the house

Hound by froodle, in which Simon makes a friend

Errands by froodle, in which Simon has a to-do list

Waterlogged by froodle, in which Eerie experiences heavy rainfall

Wildlife by froodle, in which Simon and Marshall go to the beach

Rainbow by froodle, in which Dash fails to properly appreciate Michael Flatley

Jackolantern by froodle, in which the local pumpkin patch has a problem