Eerie, Indiana fanfiction: Public Spaces

[froodle]

The vampire screamed and thrashed, pinkish blood fizzing and hissing and sublimating into a gory foam that drowned the carefully-maintained flower bed beneath it.

Mayor Chisel climbed to his feet, wincing a little as his knees clicked in protest at the unaccustomed exertion. A faceless aide, it’s features blasted to fleshy smoothness to protect information leaks within the office, rushed forward to assist him, and he waved it away. Producing a crisp white handkerchief from the breast pocket of his jacket, he wiped his fingers clean of grave dirt, and revenant goo, and the smashed remains of the canapé he’d been holding when the thing attacked. He’d had the presence of mind to set his champagne flute down right before it tackled him, but the little salmon hors d'oeuvre had been halfway to his mouth and he’d been too distracted by fangs and claws to throw it away.

“Everything’s okay, folks,” he assured the glittering crowd that stood, slack-jawed and horror struck and gorgeously arrayed in tuxedoes and evening dresses. “Don’t let this distract you from enjoying this glorious evening.”

He stepped over the shattered fragments of what had once been an abstract sculpture carved of driftwood from Lake Eerie’s phantom shores and inlaid with brilliantly-coloured sea glass, debris and undead skeletal remains crunching beneath his hand-stitched Italian shoes. Fred Suggs, sporting a checked sports coat and a black felt homburg with a palm-sized moleskin notebook, bustled towards him.

“What an idiot,” said Chisel, kicking aside a long toothsome jaw with more force than the task strictly required. He glanced up at the ersatz reporter hovering at his elbow and added, “That’s off the record, Fred.”

“It’s Mr. Eden,” said Fred reproachfully. A lifetime in politics meant the Mayor didn’t quite roll his eyes, but he did take a momentary interest in the distant skyline before replying.

“Of course,” he said. “That’s off the record, Anthony.”

Suggs chewed the gnarled end of a small yellow pencil. Chisel hoped it wasn’t one of the ones that could bring drawings to life, given Fred’s propensity to doodling in the margins. He wasn’t a terribly good artist, but that didn’t mean Chisel wanted to spend the next few days dealing with crooked stick figures and dogs with too many limbs.

“Anything you can give me, on the record?” asked Suggs, and Chisel set aside visions of ambulant graffiti and half-written shopping lists to focus on the matter at hand.

“Actually,” he said, “You know what? He was an idiot. Go ahead and quote me on that.”

As Suggs scribbled furiously, the Mayor straightened his tie and ran a hand down the front of his red and gold waistcoat, clearing his throat as he picked his next words.

“Safeguarding the well-being of our citizens is the highest priority in the minds of everyone at City Hall,” he said, his voice dropping into a deeper register as he slipped seamlessly into his public-speaking persona. “Whether that’s commissioning local artists to design aesthetically pleasing additions to Eerie’s parks and public spaces, or incorporating safeguards against the hungry dead into our sculpture gardens and water features, the fine men and women at the Eerie Department of Leisure work tirelessly to ensure our city’s tax base is kept safe, secure, and contributing to the city’s coffers.”

He rummaged among the wreckage of the statuary, producing several durable wooden stakes that had lain concealed within the larger design.

“When I took office, I promised to ensure everyone could throw a cocktail party without being savaged by rampaging vampires.” He held the bloody spikes aloft. “I am proud to announce that city ordinance 5.26.1987, also known as the Aesthetically Pleasing Anti-Vampire Measures mandate, is a success.”

The sequinned and cummerbund’d crowd burst into rapturous applause. The Mayor waited modestly for the noise to subside.

“Also, we will be accepting applications for a new addition to the municipal sculpture gardens effective 9 a.m. tomorrow,” he said. “Contact my office for full details on how to apply.”

Near the back of the crowd, he saw Eddie Teller and his wife exchange a glance, and sighed internally. Now he’d have to find a tactful way to turn down plans for a surrealistic mess of unicorns and melted clocks from their eldest daughter, and he’d have to do it without upsetting either his favourite inventor, Eerie’s finest party planner, or a budding Lois Lane with a nasty talent for rabble rousing.





Teller Family History

First Date by froodle, in which a young Edgar Teller shows off one of his earlier inventions

Popcorn by froodle. Friday night is always movie night in the Teller household.

The Teller Home for Displaced Youth by froodle, in which Edgar harbours some doubts about his new home town

Lawn by froodle, in which Marilyn Teller contemplaces some yardwork

Tornado Day, Revisited by froodle, in which Syndi learns exactly what it means to be Miss Tornado Day

Wildlife by froodle, in which Simon and Marshall go to the beach

Culinary Delights by froodle, in which Syndi's terrible cooking may or may not have been an accident

Camping by froodle, in which Syndi cannot sleep

Artist in the Family by froodle, in which an immortal creature takes a liking to Syndi

Without Due Care and Attention by froodle, in which Syndi finally becomes mobile

Waiting In by froodle, in which there is an ice-storm and a handyman does not arrive

Brunch by froodle, in which Marilyn does not appreciate Edgar's help in the kitchen

Handmade by froodle, in which the Tellers receive a Christmas package from Marilyn's mother

Poor Life Choices by froodle, in which Syndi loves her brother anyway

Lillian by froodle, in which Marilyn's mother has concerns

Visitor by froodle, in which Marshall's grandma comes to stay

Nap by froodle, in which Marshall has a quiet moment in the Secret Spot

Fresh Sheets by froodle

Tradition by froodle, in which Dash and Marshall decorate a Christmas tree

Hometown by froodle, in which Mars and Syndi visit New Jersey

Comments

[deifire]

OMG, this is brilliant! I love Chisel! And all the creepy yet hilarious little bits like his faceless aide.

They're gonna wind up with unicorns, aren't they?

[froodle]

So many unicorns!

[evilinsanemonkey]

this is GLORIOUS

[froodle]

:D