Eerie, Indiana: Saturday Brunch

[froodle]

Marshall woke to the smell of bacon frying in the pan and the muffled strains of the Carpenter's "Ticket to Ride" being played at the other end of the hall. He sat up, rummaged among the laundry-strewn bedroom floor 'til he came up with a serviceable pair of pyjama pants, and followed the scent of breakfast into the kitchen.

Simon was stood over the stove, one arm cocked at an angle as he lifted the heavy cast-iron skillet slightly in order to keep it straight. The apartment - the whole building, really - sagged to one side, and so food cooked on the ancient hob ended up burnt at one end and undercooked at the other if you weren't careful. According to the spirit level currently gathering dust at the back of the Anything Drawer, their kitchen counters had a seven-degree tilt and a moderate case of poltergeist, although Marshall had never seen evidence of the latter.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey," said Simon, not looking up from the eggs sizzling in front of him. "Bacon's under the grill. Batter's done and the new waffle iron is heating up. I had to throw the raspberry syrup out because it had turned sour and started summoning dread entities from beyond our reality, but there's chocolate, maple, and whatever that green one is that your parents gave us last time we went over."

"Don't use that one," said Marshall. "Supposedly it's pistachio, but Dad said we could also use it to run the car if we were short on gas money, so..."

"Got it," said Simon. "Maybe we should keep it in the trunk and not in the breakfast cupboard, in that case?"

Marshall made a face.

"It's also explosive and highly unstable," he said. "Keeping it insulated by boxes of cereal is the safest thing, until we find a monster big enough and nasty enough to warrant a nut-flavoured Molotov to the face courtesy of Things Incorporated. Shouldn't take too long."

Simon nodded, maneuvering one of the partially-cooked eggs to a warmer spot on the pan's surface. The yolk burst and the heavy yellow centres flowed outwards, disrupting the unset translucency of the raw egg whites and forming streaks and whorls o breath-taking beauty and malevolence against the black of the non-stick coating.

Simon cursed, throwing the spatula aside even as it transmuted into something many-eyed and tentacle that writhed horribly. Marshall snatched up the tea towel that hung neatly folded over the oven door. It was richly embroidered with posies, butterflies, and several powerful cantrips specifically designed to be effective against incidents of non-Euclidean geometry in the kitchen. He snapped it open and flung it over the abominable eggs, which screeched and wailed and scrambled themselves in their eagerness to destroy the world of man.

Simon set the pan down, the dish cloth smoking and the thing beneath it moaning, and switched the oven off. He sighed.

"Sorry, Mars," he said.

Marshall patted his shoulder, aimed a kick at the former spatula as it scuttled past him on it's way to hide under the fridge, and reached for the coffee pot.

"It's really not a big deal, Simon," he reassured his best friend. "So we can't fry eggs without an eldritch abomination trying to force it's way through into our reality. Who cares?"

"I care," said Simon. "I really wanted eggs with my waffles."

Marshall opened the cabinet beneath the sink, rummaging through the shifting piles. He emerged holding a large saucepan with a small mesh strainer fitted over the top.

"I'll poach some instead," he said, turning on the cold water tap and letting it run for a moment. "It'll be fine, I've seen my mom do it a million times. You go ahead and exorcise the new waffle iron."

"Are you sure-" Simon began, but Marshall cut him off with a nod and a wave.

"Well, okay..." said Simon, rummaging through the cutlery drawer 'til he found the sacred knife and the small dried-out bundle of purifying herbs. He picked up the matches from their space between the carnivorous plants and the damned-soul jerky they used to teach Sparky new tricks, and smiled.

"Thanks, Marshall."

Marshall grinned at him, and began to fill the poaching pot.





Microwave-verse

Bonfire by froodle, in which Pinocchio is ruined forever

Gingerbread by froodle, in which there is a witch in the Eerie Woods

Leaves by froodle, in which plantlife finds Marshall entirely too enticing

Offspring by froodle, in which there are dragons

Based on Your Previous Purchases by froodle, in which Mars should really pay attention to Amazon's reccomendations

Housework by froodle, in which a rota cannot be agreed upon

Breakfast by froodle, in which Dash's attempts at cookery do not go well

Ghost in the Machine by froodle, in which a new laptop opens an old wound

Consequences by froodle, in which an encounter with leprechauns leaves the boys very tired indeed

The Microwave by froodle, in which Andrea Fantucci returns to Eerie after a considerable absense

The Eldritch Abomination in the Room by froodle, in which the microwave is most definitely not discussed

Basic Household Maintenance by froodle, in which manticores are inconsiderate houseguests

Torrential by froodle, in which there is a storm, and the boys eat ice-cream

Linens by froodle, in which Dash X makes a bed

Night Music by froodle, in which Simon is woken by a nocturnal visitor

In For The Night by froodle, in which Dash refuses to leave the house

Hound by froodle, in which Simon makes a friend

Errands by froodle, in which Simon has a to-do list

Waterlogged by froodle, in which Eerie experiences heavy rainfall

Wildlife by froodle, in which Simon and Marshall go to the beach

Rainbow by froodle, in which Dash fails to properly appreciate Michael Flatley

Jackolantern by froodle, in which the local pumpkin patch has a problem

Comments

[deifire]

"So we can't fry eggs without an eldritch abomination trying to force it's way through into our reality."

Okay, this is so going on my list of greatest Eerie fic lines of all time.

I love every bit of this! The weird domesticity! Edgar's pistachio syrup! The Carpenters!

[froodle]

:D glad you like it

Simon can cook if he doesn't have the Carpenters, he just really doesn't like to!

[evilinsanemonkey]

I love this.

I love how you work the little background details in your fics. Like the syrups. This whole thing is just so brilliant.

[froodle]

:D

Nothing worse than a pancake or waffle breakfast where you realise too late your syrup has gone bad. Or evil.