To whom it may concern

It's the 7th of the month, and that means... CREATURE FEATURE!

Give us fic, give us fanart, give us whatever springs to your mind when you think of our monster of the month:

CACTUS CAT

Marshall scanned the contract, a jeweller's loupe close at hand should there be any suspiciously small-print sections. He stopped at the sight of one particularly long string of digits.

"What's this?" he asked. "This figure here."

The Milkman from Human Resources glanced over.

"Oh, that's your annual leave," he said.

Marshall looked again. The number was significantly longer than three hundred and sixty five, even accounting for leap years.

The Milkman from Human Resources seemed to follow his train of thought, because he elaborated:

"It accrues with every month of service. Our records indicate that you'll work here continuously with us until the age of 117, barring a short sabbatical involving inter-dimensional travel, a possible cure for lycanthropy that turns out to be a false lead, and a single very angry cactus, which was pre-authorised and therefore did not affect your holiday entitlement."

"Cactus Cat?" Marshall asked, and the Milkman from Human Resources glanced down at his notes.

"No," he said. "Aside from occasional overly-aggressive skewering of people's shins in search of scritches, the Cactus Cat lives a long and peaceable life with one Simon Holmes."

"Oh," said Marshall. "I'll be sure to let Simon know. He'll be pleased."

He looked again at the number. It was still very large, but then, 117 was very old...

"You'll use it all up shortly before your 111th birthday," said the Milkman from Human Resources. "I'd tell you this to give you the chance to ration it and avoid that outcome, but I'm afraid it's inevitable."

Marshall thought about it.

"I'm not sure I want to work my last six years without any time off," he said.

The Milkman from Human Resources turned some pages.

"It appears that you and Management come to an agreement about that," he said. "The details are confidential."

Ongoing Verse: Milkman

( Read more... )

It's the 7th of the month, and that means... CREATURE FEATURE!

Give us fic, give us fanart, give us whatever springs to your mind when you think of our monster of the month:

CACTUS CAT

"This is going too far," said Marshall.

Dash nodded.

"I knew this town was messed up," he said, "But this crosses the line."

"It's evil," Marshall agreed.

The cactus cat mewled pitifully, four green and spiny claws peddling the air as it rolled on it's back, prickly belly exposed to the rich golden light of a Saturday afternoon in summer. It's eyes were cloudy milk-white and fixed pleadingly on Simon's own. Already Simon's hands were scratched and bleeding, clusters of black needles embedded in the soft skin of his palms. Tentatively he reached for the purring, squirming creature who writhed at his feet.

"Simon!" said Marshall. "Just leave it alone already!"

"But he's so cute," Simon protested. "And look at him! He's desperate for cuddles!"

"Yeah, well, you're going to be desperate for fingers if you keep petting it," said Dash.

Simon reluctantly returned his wounded hands to the pockets of his hand me down flannel jacket. His eyes were huge and wet and it was only partly due to the tattered and oozing state of his fingertips.

"Maybe I could wear mittens," he said, as though a prickly desert cat-beast could be made safe with something as mundane as wool.

Dash sighed and started pulling his coat on.

"You're leaving?" asked Marshall, not quite able to hide his disappointment.

"Yes," said Dash. "Radford keeps suits of armour at the back of the World o' Stuff. Those medieval knights were tiny - there's bound to be a set of chain mail oven gloves that'll fit you, Shrimpenstein."

Simon brightened.

"Wow!" he said. "That's really nice. Thanks, Dash."

"Whatever," said Dash. "It's near a security camera blind spot."

"Oh," said Simon, his shoulders sagging. He looked down at the cat, his expression torn.

"No it isn't," said Mars.

"Shut up," said Dash.

( Read the rest of the Trusted Associates verse here )

( Read the rest of the First Kiss series here )

( Read the rest of the Microwave verse here )