To whom it may concern

Simon toed open the door to the living room and slipped inside without turning on the light. Outside, the January sky was watery grey, filtered through grimy window panes. Inside, a small TV broadcast bursts of bright colours across the threadbare carpet where Harley sat, cross-legged and transfixed and absolutely forbidden from using the remote control.

WERD-TV was airing a rerun of Wendy-Go-Go, a kids' cartoon from the '60s about a plucky cannibalistic spirit of winter battling against the evil Cult of Hygge. The Cult of Hygge's crimes, as far as Simon could tell, consisted mostly of wearing big jumpers, drinking hot chocolate, and laughing too loud. As a jumper-wearer and occasional imbiber of cocoa himself, Simon was inclined to sympathise with them.

Besides, in her white knee-high boots and green minidress, Wendy reminded him uncomfortably of the ForeverWare lady who still blamed him for the destruction of her daughter's piggybank. That did make her deer-skull face, withered limbs and exposed patches of bloody bone less awful in comparison, but seeing her empty eye sockets glaring out at him from his parent's battered television set was still unpleasant.

The episode ended with the erstwhile cultists being tied to a rocket and launched into the freezing vacuum of space. As frost formed on their screaming, bluish faces, Wendy puttered by in a ship designed to look like a VW Beetle and began packaging them up. Frozen dinners for a month, she informed the audience with a wink.

Harley laughed. Simon shivered.

Ongoing Verse: Holmes Brothers

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