Sep. 1st, 2019

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If you've ever seen the Eerie Indiana tie-in books, you might have noticed the website advertised in the back pages: EerieIN.com

Surprising nobody, twenty years later this website no longer exists. However, parts of it are archived at the WayBack Machine.

Sadly, the snapshots from 1999 just show a white page with a parent directory, so we'll never get to see what frames-and-flash masterpiece was originally used to promote Eerie.

However, in 2001 an Eerie Indiana fan named MariaC bought the domain and turned it into the Eerie Examiner:



LET THEM EAT FISH

Written by: Maria C. Copyright 2000 Maria C. and eeriein.com

Eerie's flagging economy may be in for a new lease of life, following the opening of a new salmon farm… with a twist.

This week, Spliced Gene Salmon City opened its doors to the public and will represent a low-cost, high-quality source of seafood for all Eerie's inhabitants.

The secret of the farm's success? Genetic engineering! In Eerie, legislation concerning the lately developed gene manipulation techniques is still slightly unclear and not as prohibitive as in the rest of America. The owner of the farm, Charlie Gower, saw the advantages which this loophole could offer Eerie.

The Examiner interviewed Mr Gower at the grand opening of his new enterprise about how the business got started:

"Well, I was at the World O' Stuff about two months ago doing my shopping. I was looking to buy some Spam for my dinner and all, when I noticed a box on the shelf next to the tinned foods section. It turned out to be a Home Cloning Beginners' Outfit by some company called Frankenstein, inc. It was for sale, so I picked it up. The thing was that Betsy, my goldfish, wasn't very well and I figured I could use the kit to make her better. Or clone her, or something.

"I started, y'know, experimenting, with the kit at herimenting, with the kit at home until I thought I had found a cure for Betsy. I scraped what had grown on the petri-dish
into her tank and left it overnight. The next morning, there she was, seven inches bigger, and looking a whole lot happier.

"I figured I could to the same to salmon and other fish, so people in this town could have a'plenty of good cheap fish. Y'know, the oils fish contain can be mighty beneficial. It's brain food, so they say."

A'plenty is no overstatement. With the salmon's DNA altered to make the species grow four times faster and reach a mass three times that of the average salmon on half the food intake, the newly introduced species is in plentiful supply in Eerie and available at incredibly low prices.

Mr Chisel, the Mayor of Eerie , opened the event and gave the Eerie Examiner the following statement:

"I'm delighted at what our good citizen, Mr Gower, has achieved. The people of Eerie are sure to benefit from what I, as their mayor, have brought them. That is, good food at a low price and a tourist economy which I'm sure will exist as soon as news of this gets out. Heck, why stop at fish, I say! Today salmon, tomorrow… well, the possibilities are
limitless! Yes, this will put our little hometown on the map for sure! And when the government come to beg us to sell them our secrets, I…er, Eerie… wits, I…er, Eerie… will be rich! A superpower!"

When Mr Gower was further questioned on his methods and procedures, it aspired that the environmental impact of his project would be minimal. He informed us on his waste disposal policy:

"Well, at the end of each new batch, there's always stuff that needs getting rid of, you know, left over DNA, waste chemicals, genetic freaks and such. I find most of it can be quickly and cleanly disposed of by chucking it in the river, yonder."

So it looks like it's good news for Eerie. Many locals turned up at the event to listen to the inauguration speeches made by Mr Gower and the Mayor, and also to take advantage of the free salmon products available for the day.

Here are some opinions on the new fish farm given by the citizens themselves:

"I think it's a mighty fine idea. I just can't wait to get my teeth into a li'l ol' salmon burger."
Mr E. Presely

"Well, I think that if the science and apparatus design is sound, I see no reason why the venture shouldn't work out. I wish Mr Gower every success."
Mr. E. Teller

"Thank you, sir, move along now. Nothing to see here."
Deputy Sheriff

"I think it's wonderful. I can't wait to write in to the foreverware cookery newsletter with a whole range of delicious new salmon recipe ideas to share wlmon recipe ideas to share with the rest of our foreverware family!"
Ms. W. Swanson

"No comment. I didn't do it."
Some weird grey-haired kid

"Look at this water sample we collected from down river! It glows! And you know what else - ?"
Marshall Teller, just before the mayor interrupted with "…run along now, there's a good kid. They have such vivid imaginations, don't they?"

Well, it would seem that Eerie is now at the fore-front of salmon farming techniques, genetic engineering developments and on the brink of global fame. One thing Eerie inhabitants can be sure of, however, is that they can be sure to continue their quiet lives in this normal, all-American little town. To quote Mr Chisel's comments at the grand opening:

"Although these recent developments are sure to signal a new chapter in the history of Eerie, I can safely say that the town itself will not be changed from the wholesome community we know it as. I will do my best in keeping everything exactly as it is, and exactly as we like it - normal."

Written by: Maria C. Head Reporter for the Eerie Examiner

If you have any tales youd like Miss. C to investigate, you can contact her at the Eerie Examiner Maria
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Your themed episode for the month of September is "Loyal Order of Corn"
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The Eeriversary is on the 15th of the month and this also marks the start of our annual rewatch. If you'd like to watch along, the R2 DVD is about £10 on eBay or Amazon, and in the US is free to stream for Amazon Prime customers. Check out our "where to watch Eerie Indiana" tag for more options.

We'll be starting with the pilot episode, ForeverWare, on 15 September at 7:30pm BST, and the rest of the schedule is below:

2019:09:15: ForeverWare

2019:09:22: the Retainer

2019:09:29: ATM with a Heart of Gold

2019:10:06: the Losers

2019:10:13: American's Scariest Home Video

2019:10:20: Just Say No Fun

2019:10:27: Heart on a Chain

2019:11:03: Broken Record

2019:11:10: the Dead Letter

2019:11:17: the Lost Hour

2019:11:24: Who's Who

2019:12:01: Marshall's Theory of Believability

2019:12:08: Tornado Day

2019:12:15: Hole in the Head Gang

2019:12:22: Mr. Chaney

2019:12:29: No Brain, No Pain

2020:01:05: Loyal Order of Corn

2020:01:12: Zombies in PJs

2020:01:19: Reality Takes a Holiday
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Sunday challenge time! Your prompt for this week is:

TUCKED IN
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If you've ever seen the Eerie Indiana tie-in books, you might have noticed the website advertised in the back pages: EerieIN.com

Surprising nobody, twenty years later this website no longer exists. However, parts of it are archived at the WayBack Machine.

Sadly, the snapshots from 1999 just show a white page with a parent directory, so we'll never get to see what frames-and-flash masterpiece was originally used to promote Eerie.

However, in 2001 an Eerie Indiana fan named MariaC bought the domain and turned it into the Eerie Examiner:



THE RIVER WILD (Let them eat fish Part 2)

Written by: Maria C. Copyright 2000 Maria C. and eeriein.com

It has been just over a week since the opening of Eerie's new fish farm, Spliced-Gene Salmon City, and already the enterprise has run into difficulties. The farm which takes advantage of recently developed genetic engineering techniques to produce vast quantities of "Super Salmon" at low prices, is under suspicion of causing some recently noted environmental disturbances down-river from its site. What, just one week ago, seemed to have been the best thing to happen to Eerie in a long time, is now facing serious accusations.

Locals living on a calm stretch of river down from the farm have reported an unnatural phosphorescence in the water:

"The river in this part glows at night. I'm sure it never did that before. Well, not since the time Eerie had that prototype nuclear power station, anyway," remarked local resident, Mr Coles.

His wife also made her opinion on the matter known:

"It's not so much that it glows… that's kind of pretty, in a way. And so useful when I'm digging, you know, at night…"

Digging?

"Er… yes, for my, er, flowers. Yes! Flowers! That's it."

Yes, of course. Flowers. We asked her to continue:

"Like I was saying, it's not so much the fact that the water glows, I'm mothat the water glows, I'm more worried about the things you see just walking about. Like that there, can you see it?"

Yes, indeed, the creature was most visible. It's hard to miss a confused looking three-legged purple salmon wandering about on the banks of an otherwise normal-looking river.

We spoke to Mr Gower, owner of the fish farm under suspicion, who's methods disposing of all the waste materials and failed experiments involved habitually dumping them in the river. This process was approved by Eerie officials, but it is now possible that it may have caused some unforeseen environmental effects. Here is what he had to say:

"It ain't proven that its anything to do with my farm. My procedures are totally safe, and I ain't got nothing to do with it, I tell you!"

This was all Mr Gower would tell us, so the Eerie Examiner tried to speak to the mayor, Mr Chisel. Unfortunately, he was unavailable for comment.

As our readers know, it is the Eerie Examiner's prime objective to probe for the truth in any case, so we sought the counsel of a leading authority in the fields of environmental biology and genetic modification. Professor E. Gore, lately moved here from Transylvania in Eastern Europe, examined the recently present flora and fauna to be found in the river. He remarked:

"Hmmm… yes, this is indeed highly irregular. I have never seregular. I have never seen so many and varied genetic anomalies all in one place before! It's fascinating!"

When asked if he could perhaps suggest a possible cause of the observed phenomena, he explained:

"Well, what we seem to have here is some kind of primordial soup, out of which life is evolving at an incredible rate.

Scientists have never been able to recreate anything like this from scratch, although if the process was given a helping hand, say, some raw genetic material, that kind of thing, it would still be unlikely, but maybe possible. I seem to remember an electrical storm a few days ago… it is possible that may have kick-started it all."

What about the fully-formed mutations? Those strange fish/human/amphibian hybrids? We caught one and took it to Mr Gower. When asked if it looked familiar, this is what he said:

"Well, sure! That's one of mine, alright, but he didn't work out. I had to dump him with the other critters I made - but it's all legal! The Eerie Department of Health said it was OK."

So it seems the farm is fully within it's rights to dump and continue dumping all of its laboratory (in this case, Mr Gower's kitchen) waste into the river. We asked Professor E. Gore if this held any danger for the people of Eerie, Indiana.

"The creatures inhabiting the river at the moment, whether created by Mr Gower directly, or indirectly, or whether evolved from the materials available in the water, are not actually dangerous as such. The real danger is in whether they evolve further to pose a threat to human life, or if the water becomes toxic. As for the river's strange luminescence, although I couldn't identify the origin of that without further, more advanced experimentation, it does not seem to be a cause for concern. However, I will look into the whole matter in more depth and make a report available."

For the time being, the river has been announced safe and Spliced-Gene Salmon City will continue trading as normal. However, there was still the matter of the new life inhabiting the river. Luckily, in the best Eerie tradition, an elegant solution to this problem has been found. We spoke to Mr Radford, proprietor of The World O' Stuff - Eerie's answer to any conceivable consumer requirement:

"The World O' Stuff will any day now have a new section: Unusual Pets,"

He told us, pausing in the act of fishing another of the strange little animals out of the river and into a large bucket.

"Everyone's unique! And they're at a good price, too!"

We left him to his fishing net and business dreams.

Whatever the future may hold for Mr Gower and his farm, the inhabitants of Eerie, Indiana are for the time being safe from being attacked in their beds by mutated monheir beds by mutated monstrosities. Only time will tell if mother nature will seek her revenge, or if Eerie will become the economic centre of America, or if The World O' Stuff's new pet department will succeed.

Rest assured, however, that The Eerie Examiner will continue to bring you the latest news concerning this and other stories as and when they break, and that the results of Professor E. Gore's report will be fully publicised as soon as they are made available.

If you have any tales youd like Miss. C to investigate, you can contact her at the Eerie Examiner

Maria C
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