eerieindiana | Entries tagged with ep: scariest home movies

Radford looked at the tower of catch-and-release mousetraps in front of him, and then, with some difficulty, looked over them at Simon.

"Rodent problem?" he asked.

Simon nodded. There were dark circles under his eyes and his hand-me-down jumper had even more holes in it than usual.

"Harley and the Ratking turned on each other," he said. "Something about this town only being big enough for one avatar of creeping disease, and also Harley spending too much time with that goat he stole from the Witch Queen last Halloween."

He sighed deeply, a teenage boy wearied by the machinations of Antichrists and vermin lords alike.

"Now the Ratking is threatening to chew the bottom out of every cereal box in Eerie unless Harley grants him a share of this year's soul harvest."

"Oh dear," said Radford. "Good thing I've still got that shipment of experimental coffee cake from Things Incorporated out the back. It's about to be the only breakfast food left in Eerie."

Simon picked up one of the live-capture cages and fiddled absently with it.

"I just need to get to some of the Brainrats," he said. "You know, the bigger, smarter ones that make up the Ratking's mind. If I can talk to them, I can make them see that this isn't something worth fighting over."

"Not to you, maybe," said Radford. "You're Harley's big brother. You've always come first with him, so you don't know what it's like when he chooses something else over you."

He shook out a large paper grocery sack and began bagging the mousetraps.

"You see, the Ratking never saved Harley from eating a lizard. He never took him on exciting adventures where they got to terrify an old man in stage makeup."

"That's not-" Simon began, then stopped.

"If you want my advice," said Radford, "And you didn't ask for it, so you shouldn't feel obligated to take it, but if you want it: forget about the Brainrats. They're big and sleek and they scurry about independently, and that's all well and good when a Ratking schemes his schemes, but for something like this?"

He tapped his index finger to the monogrammed breast pocket of his paisley-patterned shirt and continued.

"Look for the Heartrats. They're smaller, tightly-wound - physically as well as metaphorically - and they don't move around as much."

He passed Simon the bulging brown bag.

"On the house," he added.

Ongoing Verse: Holmes Brothers

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Better weird than dead.

Entries tagged with ep: scariest home movies

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