May. 21st, 2020

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They were the earliest stories many of us ever heard, and sometimes you didn't realise 'til later how incredibly horrific a lot of them were. It's the 21st of the month, so it's time to think about the type of fairytales the people of Eerie tell their children? This month's theme is:

THE GOLD SCALES
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It's Thursday, the day we dedicate to Simon's absolute best boy, Sparky the Hellhound.

Check out this snake-tailed lad by AdleyIllustrations:

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Sara Sue set the round plush-furred prototype down at one end of the coffee table, then flicked it with a paint-speckled finger. It rolled a single, solitary rotation before coming to rest on the carefully-sculpted cloth buttocks.

"Why?!" she said, throwing up her hands. "Why would the toy company send us this? That's not in any of the drawings!"

Harley nudged the Batteus Baby toy back in her direction, turning the pages of a brightly-coloured board book with his free hand.

"He does look a bit like Mothman," he said. "Maybe they remembered the statue in Virginia and got confused?"

Ongoing Verse: Pay Attention

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Sara Sue glared at him. Then she pulled her hair back off her face and glared at him with both eyes for added effect.

"Batteus Baby does not look like Mothman," she said. "He looks like a baby bat, not some weird six-pack-sporting Kamen Rider statue down in Point Pleasant."

"I meant he looks like the stories," said Harley. "Black shadowy figure with big wings and red eyes? I can see how a toy designer would get "Mothman" from that."

He picked up the doll and examined it critically.

"I like him," he said. "He's weird. We should keep him."

Ongoing Verse: Pay Attention

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The bowtie was made of yellow felt. Harley had tried to draw blue polka dots on it in felt, but the colours had seeped and ran, leaving ragged green blotches on the absorbent fabric.

"Ta-da!" he said. "No more failed Batteus Baby toy; this is now the newest addition to our pantheon, Prof. Moth."

He held the newly-accessorised Prof. Moth up to the light, and Sara Sue could see he'd fashioned a small, crooked pair of spectacles out of pipe cleaner. They encircled the Professor's huge red eyes, the glasses' arms disappearing in the miniscule space between wing and ears.

Ongoing Verse: Pay Attention

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"That sounds like we're admitting that he looks like Mothman," she said.

"No," said Harley, waggling Prof. Moth in front of his mouth and affecting what he thought of as a professorial drawn. "We are acknowledging that the common cultural perception of this so-called 'Moth Man' shares a passing physical similarity to beloved children's book character Batteus Bat and his child, Batteus Baby."

Sara Sue snorted with laughter.

"Is that what he sounds like?"

Harley shrugged.

"Maybe," he said. "Batteus Bat's based on stories Simon used to tell me, so the truth is he probably was based on the Mothman."

Ongoing Verse: Pay Attention

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Ongoing Verse: Holmes Brothers

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"Oh," said Sara Sue, who had noticed but not commented on the dedication that accompanied every new children's book. "Yeah."

Harley set Professor Moth down. He immediately tilted backwards to rest upon his pert plush glutes.

Sara Sue sighed.

"Seriously though, the company has to get rid of that ass. It's ridiculous, Harley, I'm not drawing that."

Harley adopted a look of mock offense.

"Are you saying academics can't have buns of steel? And you a teacher yourself? What would your colleagues say?"

"Probably 'Miss Haverstock, please take the weird butt-doll out of our classroom, it's creeping the kids out.'"

Ongoing Verse: Pay Attention

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Ongoing Verse: Holmes Brothers

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"The kids would love it," said Harley, spinning the Professor like a fuzzy red-eyed top and making the untidy piles of paper around him flutter with the motion. "Butts are inherently funny when you're a kid."

"You'd get great reviews from the Wilson Twins," Sara Sue said, reaching out to steady a stack of pages that looked ready to topple from the centrifugal force of Prof. Moth's breakdancing. "They called your last story collection 'intellectually inaccessible' because you had a character that was a cross between a bat and a bowl of pudding."

Harley nodded.

"Poor Puddious Baby," he agreed.

Ongoing Verse: Pay Attention

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Sara Sue picked up a half-used stick of charcoal from the cluttered bowl set beside a long-gone-cold cup of coffee and sketched a few lines.

"What about 'Motheus Maybe'?" she asked. "Looks kind of like Batteus, kind of like Mothman, but we never confirm who he's related to one way or another."

"Huh," said Harley, pulling up a chair as she worked. "Schrodinger's Cryptid."

"Prof. Moth's uncertainty principle."

"Spooky action at a distance?"

"That'll give Bert and Ernie something to blog about," said Sara Sue. "'Intellectually inaccessible', it was a bowl of pudding with wings and a set of fangs!"

Ongoing Verse: Pay Attention

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"I like it," said Harley. "When we inevitably sell out to the toy companies, I'm having Motheus packaged so you can't see his butt and if anyone asks me if we released another weird buns-of-steel character, I'll be like, 'maaayyybe' and it'll all be a clever marketing ploy."

"How meta," said Sara Sue dryly. "Shall I make sure I only ever draw him from the front so you can make butt jokes with our IP?"

Harley gasped in delight. Sara Sue groaned.

"No!" she said. "That was sarcasm! I'm starting to think the manufacturers didn't mess up the doll's design..."

Ongoing Verse: Pay Attention

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"Can I borrow a pen?" said Harley, gesturing to the glitter-glue encrusted desk tidy stuffed with half-chewed biros and pencils worn to stubs. "I want to get some of this down before I forget."

"Sure," said Sara Sue automatically, then immediately corrected herself. "Wait, no! Not if you're going to make stupid ass jokes, use your own stuff!"

"Stupid?" said Harley, grabbing an only slightly-mangled ballpoint that was, inevitably, missing it's cap. "More like witty and sophisticated. Isn't that right, Professor?" he added, turning to the doll that had started all this.

"That's correct," said Prof. Moth, in Harley's voice.

Ongoing Verse: Pay Attention

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