To whom it may concern

Paint your hair and room black and red and stick Pitbull Surfers patches on everything you own, because we're about to rewatch the Broken Record.

Strap on your Sky Monsters part 2 (with bubble sole!), and strut like a sky-walking machine down to First Eerie Savings to sing 99 Bottles of Beer with Mister Wilson. Ladies, gentlemen, ain't it good to know you got a friend? Put your white plastic cash dispensing hands together for... ATM with a Heart of Gold!

Its Tynwald Day in the Isle of Man. Time to climb the mound, assemble the Midsummer Court and promulgate the year's new laws. As the Manx powers that be gather, let's mark the date with some fanworks about what the Eerie powers that be might be up to.

It's Tuesday, so today you get a choice between two prompts. Pick one, combine both, pit them against each other - on Tuesday, you choose!

This week, your options are:

Eerie PD versus Eerie Postal Service

Paint your hair and room black and red and stick Pitbull Surfers patches on everything you own, because we're about to rewatch the Broken Record.

Strap on your Sky Monsters part 2 (with bubble sole!), and strut like a sky-walking machine down to First Eerie Savings to sing 99 Bottles of Beer with Mister Wilson. Ladies, gentlemen, ain't it good to know you got a friend? Put your white plastic cash dispensing hands together for... ATM with a Heart of Gold!

The gargoyles that made their nests along the face of City Hall had wandered off, and nobody could find them.

Or, thought Simon, unkindly though not inaccurately, Officer Derek couldn't find them after ten minutes of wandering about while calling their names in a sad voice, and had subsequently flown into a panic.

He unlocked the door to the spacious walk-in supply cupboard and turned on the light, though he hardly needed it. The floor-to-ceiling cabinet with it's neatly-arranged bags of stone and shale and lab-grown crystals gleamed even in darkness.

He pocketed a few of the tastiest, and left.

Ongoing Verse: Microwave

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Ongoing Verse: The Powers That Be

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There were screams coming from inside the Eerie Bingo Parlour, but it was Wednesday evening, so it was probably nothing to worry about.

Still, both Marshall and Simon made sure to give the old red brick structure a wide berth as they peddled past, the better to avoid any airborne dentures and also to spare their bicycle tyres from any broken glass that might have spilled onto the streets earlier in the day.

There weren't any sirens, Marshall noted, though that could just mean Officer Derek was on duty and too scared to attend.

Inside the building, something exploded, noisily.

Ongoing Verse: Trusted Associates Inc

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"Now, you're not in any trouble," said Officer Derek, eyes damp and voice trembling.

Dash and Spy-Guy exchanged a confused look.

"We're not?" asked Dash. The chupacabra sitting next to him also let out an interrogatory sort of croak.

"Of course not!" said Derek. "You didn't do anything wrong!"

"We didn't?"

"No!" Derek exclaimed, sounding personally wounded at the idea. "You- wait, did you?"

Spy-Guy and Dash exchanged another look.

"No....?" tried Dash. Spy-Guy put two scaly paws over the bulging rucksack that sat between them.

"Oh," said Derek, blinking back tears. "That's good."

He sniffled.

"You're such good kids."

Ongoing Verse: The Powers That Be

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Ongoing Verse: Microwave

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We respect this trooper’s sun protection but does he have to be QUITE so sinister?? Will he turn up again, we wonder...? #eerieindiana #betterweirdthandead #whoswho pic.twitter.com/u4w26PKe44

— Return to Eerie, Indiana (@eerieindianapod) May 26, 2020

"So, did he find anything?" asked Dash, hearing the door close and the distinctive scrape of 'cabra claws on worn-out carpet.

Simon glared.

"Dash," he said, accusingly. "Please tell me this wasn't your idea."

Dash shrugged.

"I may have mentioned that a creature that likes to sneak around and look at things might find a police department a fun place to be," he said. "If Spy-Guy chose to do something with that information, that's nothing to do with me."

"Well, that's good," said Marshall, locking the door behind him. "Because apparently all he did was scam belly-rubs off Officer Derek."

Ongoing Verse: Microwave

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Marshall and Simon sat on the hard, uncomfortable benches in the small, cramped lobby of the Eerie police station. One of the overhead fluorescents was blinking, the flickering illumination accompanied by an ominous-sounding clicking noise that cut through the steadily buzzing hum of it's fellows.

After what felt like a long time, Officer Derek emerged, an unrepentant-looking Spy-Guy trotting at his feet. Simon hopped up immediately.

"Bad!" he said, addressing the green and grinning face of the chupacabra. "Very naughty Spy-Guy, infiltrating the police!"

"Oh," said Officer Derek, eyes welling up. "Oh no, he's not naughty! He's a good dog!"

Ongoing Verse: Microwave

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The ravens had covered it with fallen leaves and clumps of torn up grass in a half-hearted stab at concealment, but it was still pretty obviously a body.

Sergeant Knight, impervious to their raucous scolding as he was to everything else, knelt beside the corpse. The eyes were gone, but that would be the birds' at work, like as not.

The uneven covering of plant life looked to have come from the surrounding greenery but he gathered a few samples, sealing them in ForeverWare just in case.

He saw the name badge, blank except for E=MC2, and the sunglasses.

Fuck.

Ongoing Verse: The Powers That Be

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Ongoing Verse: Milkman

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The power had gone out overnight and all the ice-cream had melted.

That was the story Mister Radford had given to his insurance company, to the Dairy clerk that took his order for a replacement shipment, and to a teary-eyed Officer Derek, who had come in for two scoops of vanilla and found himself in the middle of a crime scene.

"Summer berry sorbet," Radford offered by way of explanation, scraping congealed lumps of bloody offal into a dustpan. "Raspberry ripple. Strawberry. You know how it is."

He scrubbed at the sticky smears already staining the floorboards.

"Definitely not murder."

Ongoing Verse: The Powers That Be

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The sign at the end of the street said "Do Not Enter", so of course Marshall hadn't. Not without first going home to fetch a crowbar, signal mirror, scaled down vampire-slaying kit designed to fit in his pocket, and of course, his trusty camera.

He'd just gotten pried loose the first sheet of plywood covering the back door when Sergeant Knight had pulled up, old-fashioned police car bristling with antennae and the radio whispering secrets nobody wanted to hear.

"Asbestos," the Sergeant had said, picking up the bulging rucksack containing Marshall's supplies one-handed. "Asbestos and man-eating centipedes. All very ordinary."

Ongoing Verse: Trusted Associates Inc

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Sergeant Knight removed his sunglasses, revealing a second, identical pair of sunglasses beneath them.

"And then what happened," he stated, his affectless voice failing to make it a question.

Farmer Ephraim Chambers rubbed his face.

"Then they tried to bite chunks off've Old Hindenburg," he said, pointing to the Cloud Sheep who bobbed placidly nearby. "Got spooked by the balloons popping, then upset that the helium filling made their voices all squeaky."

He glared at the would-be looters, who stared down at their shoes.

"What have you got to say for yourselves?" he demanded.

"Sorry?" piped one, shame-faced and high-pitched.

Ongoing Verse: The Powers That Be

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The spirit struggled against the ecoplasmic manacles, the weak flickers of ghostlight sparking against cold iron nearly invisible in the flashing red and blue lights of a dozen Eerie PD vehicles.

In the back of a waiting ambulance, wrapped in shock blankets and sipping from paper cups of hot, sweet tea, Marshall and Simon looked on. There was a cut running the length of Simon's face and disappearing into his hairline and one of Marshall's eyes was rapidly swelling shut. Beaten and bloodied, leaning against each other in a fog of post-adrenaline-rush exhaustion, they stayed to see justice done as Sergeant Knight read out the charges.

Besides, either Bert or Ernie was driving the ambulance and Marshall was almost sure neither of them had a licence.

"Violation," continued the Sergeant in his usual affectless monotone. "Noise disturbance in a designated quiet zone after ten pm, to whit, the screaming of a man in mortal terror, for the past eight nights."

"Murder has no concept of business hours!" shrieked the ghost. "Untimely death comes when it will!"

Officer Derek dutifully wrote this down. Knight didn't seem to notice the interruption.

"Violation: unsightly display of human remains in a public area, to whit, the sidewalk directly beneath the unsecured widow's walk from which you pushed your last five victims."

"And I would have gotten away with it, too!" the ghost screamed "If it weren't for you meddling kids!"

Simon gasped. Derek actually recoiled. Sergeant Knight's face was permanently locked on "stern", but now seemed to grow even sterner.

"You're already looking at a hefty fine, son," he said. "Littering, noise complaints; don't make this worse for yourself with unauthorised Scooby Doo references."

"...what?" said the ghost.

The Sergeant gestured to Officer Derek, who beamed with anticipation of increased responsibility in the workplace and pulled out a small handbook bound in human skin that shrieked when he touched it. He flicked through the well-worn pages until he found the one he needed, then cleared his throat.

"From town by-laws enacted in 1972, Civic Code 09-13-69 states: 'anyone caught committing a criminal act shall be entitled to reference Scooby Doo only if they are, at the time of the act, a regular human being posing as some sort of supernatural entity'."

Derek closed the book and returned it to the shirt pocket of his neatly-pressed uniform. It continued to scream.

"Huh?" said the ghost.

Ongoing Verse: The Powers That Be

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Ongoing Verse: Trusted Associates Inc

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Get your Eerie #2 pencil ready, because tonight we're rewatching Who's Who.

See it here.

( Read more... )

Strap on your Sky Monsters part 2 (with bubble sole!), and strut like a sky-walking machine down to First Eerie Savings to sing 99 Bottles of Beer with Mister Wilson. Ladies, gentlemen, ain't it good to know you got a friend? Put your white plastic cash dispensing hands together for... ATM with a Heart of Gold!

What’s a TV show that you remember from your childhood that no one you know remembers?

Mine is Dolphin Cove

— Nic (@CloneNic) July 13, 2019

American Gothic https://t.co/0ICvJVbIss

— Sarah Kendzior (@sarahkendzior) July 15, 2019

Wait. Was that the one with the evil sheriff with magic powers?

— JD Sullivan (@JDSulli) July 15, 2019

Yes!

— Sarah Kendzior (@sarahkendzior) July 15, 2019

Eerie, Indiana had a weird sheriff too, but was the one about the kid moving from New Jersey to the bizarre town in the Midwest--a partly comic puberty/weirdness of suburbia allegory. The first American Gothic took place in Trinity, South Carolina--evil sheriff: Gary Cole.

— Ian Desroche (@IndivCincy) July 16, 2019

Its Tynwald Day in the Isle of Man. Time to climb the mound, assemble the Midsummer Court and promulgate the year's new laws. As the Manx powers that be gather, let's mark the date with some fanworks about what the Eerie powers that be might be up to.