To whom it may concern

I regret everything...I mean, nothing! I mean, I blame the Bureau of Lost! #eerieindiana #disneyprincess https://t.co/gLY6nLU9ee

— Rebel Scum 🏳️‍🌈 (@deifire) January 7, 2019

I feel like the Unkind Ones are more likely to weigh in on Disney Princesses than Lodgepoole and Al are.

— eerieindianadw (@eerieindianalj1) January 7, 2019

Hmm...so maybe *they* were the ones who got my pins back to me in a princess case...I could see that.

— Rebel Scum 🏳️‍🌈 (@deifire) January 8, 2019

It's certainly more within their wheelhouse #unkindones #eeriesmostnotoriousbikergang

— eerieindianadw (@eerieindianalj1) January 8, 2019

Every week I do laundry, I lose one sock. Without fail, never to be found again. Where do they go, and why only one? Is there some fucking sock POW camp where they're all being held? 😡

— Jason Solomon (@solomonster) September 21, 2018

Watch this classic episode of "Eerie, Indiana" - The Losershttps://t.co/wjwPsiUyON

— Gˢᵘᵖˡᵉˣ (@GodSuplex) September 21, 2018

I have been looking for something ‘lost’ in my house for a couple of months now. I just broke down and ordered another. I bet I find it in the next 15 minutes.

— Amy M (@bluejaybird123) September 15, 2018

Tell me about it! I think the Matrix is finally starting to fall apart. I signed for a special delivery a fortnight ago - a Jon Pertwee autograph card. I bought the envelope in, put it down and it just vanished. Two weeks later still no sign of it 🧐

— BabelColour 🎞 (@StuartHumphryes) September 15, 2018

You ever see that episode of Eerie Indiana? When he goes to the place where all lost things go?

— Phil Wright (@philwright81) September 15, 2018

Yodel has been good of late, shame now my parcel has been "delivered" to that special place only Hermes & yodel parcels go... the Bureau of Lost Pale in Comparison (@beautfreax) June 5, 2018

Here’s some more episodes of Eerie Indiana.

In The Retainer, Marshall is trepidatious about visiting the dentist. Not suprising when his dentist is Vincent Schiavelli.

His friend Steve has a massive retainer that lets him talk to dogs.

They learn of a conspiracy among the town’s dogs.

The next episode is The ATM with the Heart of Gold. Marshall’s dad has created a friendly computerised teller, slightly reminiscent of Max Headroom.

Gregory Itzin plays the town mayor. He really is the go-to actor for untrustworthy elected officials, isn’t he?

Marshall’s friend Simon starts getting money from the ATM, because he’s nice to Mr Wilson.

In the next episode, The Losers, Marshall’s dad loses an important presentation. The search leads to some strange places, and an appearance by Joe Dante regular Dick Miller. Not surprising, since this episode is directed by Joe Dante.

Another Dante regular is Henry Gibson, who works in the Bureau of Lost.

Next, it’s America’s Scariest Home Video. It’s Halloween, which can’t be good in Eerie. Marshall’s younger brother is stuck in the TV, and the Mummy has got out, only it’s the actor who played the Mummy years ago.

Next it’s Just Say No Fun.

I’ve just noticed their school is BF Skinner High School – named after the behaviourist who invented the theory of operant conditioning, and the Skinner Box, an experiment where doves were trained to collect food from a dispenser. The dispenser would randomly deliver seed in response to buttons the doves would peck, but it was always random. However, the doves would develop momre and more complex, repeated behaviours in the apparent belief that what they were doing was key to the seeds being given.

Simon is given new glasses, and suddenly he’s boring and just wants to do schoolwork.

There’s a tiny bit of the end credits of Mork and Mindy before the next episode.

Then, an episode Heart on a Chain. A new girl, Melanie, joins Marshall’s class. She has a life-threatening heart problem, and is waiting for a transplant. And all the boys in class fall in love with her. She’s played bu Danielle Harris, possibly familiar to you as Bruce Willis’ daughter in The Last Boy Scout.

Marshall gets love advice from Elvis, who lives on his paper route.

It has a sad ending.

This is the last episode here. After this, recording continues with the start of Channel 4 News. The conflict between Bosnia and Serbia is the top story. I think their spell checking fell down slightly here.

Hold on to your loose change, take a tight grip on your socks, and accept that your ball point pen caps are gone forever, because tonight we're taking a trip behind the numbers seven and eight dryers at the Eeriemat, and visiting the Bureau of Lost. Ladies and gentlemen, it's time to watch... the Losers!

Eerie headcanon #15: the Bureau of Lost and the Unkind Ones are engaged in a decades-old clandestine conflict, in which the Bureau surreptitiously steal- uh, I mean, misappropriates- the property of American citizens in order to boost the economy, and the Unkind Ones track lost items down and return them to their rightful owners as a way of sticking it to "the man".

Also, related: the creepy garbage guys from the Lost Hour, and the entire concept of a sixty minute time slip into which things can disappear and never be seen again, are part of the Bureau's operations. Janet Donner was totally on the list to be "misplaced."