Eerie Indiana Ficlet: Employment Opportunities

[froodle]

"That kind of statement is exactly why you're going to pay us our asking price," said Simon, pulling out a notebook and flipping it to a page marked with a neon orange sticky note.

"One, because you don't realise that the Ratking can and will discorporate into individual rats if it thinks that will give it a better chance of survival, for example when it falls off a mountainside and needs to be small and agile rather than large and imposing."

He reached for the invoice and turned it around so that it once again faced the Mayor, tapping the first line on the page.

"Two, for failing to realise that breaking an unsteady truce with a hive-mind composed of vermin would result in swift and immediate retribution from every crawling thing in the immediate vicinity."

He tapped the second indented line.

"And third, for living up to your name by trying to chisel us out of a previously agreed fee, again."

He tapped the third line, the one with the largest price tag, then slid the open notebook over the gleaming wood to rest beside it.

Chisel glanced at the rough hand-drawn grid with it's scrawled annotations and laughed.

"Shitty customer bingo," he said. "I believe I sense Mister Teller's hand at work."

"You should be proud," Simon told him, straight-faced. "He made you the central square."

The Mayor looked closer.

"Delightful," he said, and almost seemed to mean it.

He pushed the notebook back towards Simon, then turned to a small sideboard on which a crystal decanter stood alongside three matching tumblers. The crisp lines of his navy-blue suit jacket blocked Simon's view as he fiddled with something on it, before turning back with a glass in one hand and a personalised seal in the other.

He pressed the stamp into the paper, which immediately began to blacken and char as a red liquid that was almost certainly not ink spread out from beneath the edges of the seal, filling the room with the smell of burning and the faint sound of remembered screams.

"Drop that with my secretary on your way out," he told Simon. "He'll see to it that you're paid in full."

He took a sip from the glass.

"Aren't you going to offer me one?" asked Simon, gesturing at the uncorked bottle.

Chisel raised an eyebrow.

"You would almost certainly think I was trying to poison you," he said.

"I would," Simon nodded. "I just wanted to see if you'd push it."

Chisel shook his head.

"Mister Holmes," he said. "It remains one of my greatest regrets that you've chosen not to avail yourself of the employment opportunities offered by my office. We could do great things."

Simon stood, taking the stained and still-screaming sheet of paper by a single untouched corner.

"I could do great things for you, you mean," he said. "And in return, you'd take the credit and then, one day, my face."

"It's a trustworthy face," the Mayor agreed, pleasantly.


Ongoing Verse: Holmes Brothers



Castle, in which there is unexpected architecture in Eerie

The End by froodle, in which Simon reads Harley a bedtime story

Drains by froodle, in which clowns are evil, murderous sacks of shit, and Simon is having none of it

Bathtub, in which the Holmes' have further problems with their plumbing

Communication Difficulties, in which there are barriers to understanding

Playground, in which Simon and Harley should maybe come back another day

Dish of the Day, in which Simon and Marshall return to the playground

Stonewall, Mud Walls, in which Harley is an implacable foe

Biters, in which there is screaming

Riverbank, in which Simon encounters a kelpie

Kaleidoscope by froodle, in which Simon has cause to regret buying cheap toys at the World o' Stuff

Festival by froodle, in which Eerie's local businesses celebrate the summer

Strawberry by froodle, in which there is unauthorised hubbub in Eerie

Drive In, in which there is a movie screening

Staged, in which Harley visits a building site

Distractions, in which Simon and Marshall walk home from school

Class of '89, in which they collect Harley

Unsuitable Substitute, in which there is a changeling

Anticipation by froodle, in which Simon and Harley look forward to the Equinox

Informed Shopper, in which Simon contemplates a purchase

Infestation, in which there are pixies

BBQ, in which the Tellers hold a BBQ

Door-to-Door, in which it is Halloween and there are trick-or-treaters

Sentinel, in which it is Halloween and there is hot chocolate

The Stand, in which it is Halloween and there is a war

Dark Messiah, in which there are witches

Ruminant, in which a rescue is mounted

Good to Eat, in which Dash and Simon fill Marshall in

Gridlock, in which Harley encounters one of Eerie's many cults

Common Ground, in which one of Eerie's local youth organisations would like Harley to join them

Persuasion Tactics, in which the recruitment drive becomes aggressive

A Kings' Ransom, in which Harley goes to the beach

Competing Traditions, in which Dash and Marshall wait out the Easter weekend

Advent Calendar, in which Marilyn is making Christmas treats for all her children

Window Paint, in which Harley helps decorate his elementary school for Christmas

Pantomime, in which the Tellers enjoy some traditional Christmas entertainment

Visiting Santa, in which Marshall and Simon take Harley on a trip

The Tree, in which Harley helps Simon decorate for Christmas

KrampusNacht, in which the Holmes household has a visitor

Cygnet, in which Harley and Lillian go to the park

Tagged, in which the Bob brothers go to the park

Defacement, in which the Eerie PD investigates a terrible crime

Read the Sign, in which the city council was serious about that fountain

Salvage Rights, in which Harley and Lillian return to the lake

To Serve Birds (Right), in which Marshall and Harley bond

Sneakers by froodle, in which the latest Sky Monsters are released

Hangover, in which Marshall has a little too much to drink, and an innocent sandcastle pays the price

Brand Loyalty, in which MArshall's new shoes are a disappointment

The Hut by froodle, in which Simon takes on the forces of Eerie solo

Shattered Dreams, in which there is a space whale

They, in which Marshall leaves for college and Simon is left behind

Good Secrets Are Hard To Keep, in which Marshall submits a story to his college newspaper

Reception by froodle, in which Simon has problems with his mobile phone

Bulk Buy, in which Simon's desk tidy isn't suited for the job, but he's still better off than his office mates

Incendiary, in which Marshall reads a situation and reaches completely the wrong conclusion

Divergent, in which Dash and Harley talk

Workaday, in which Simon encounters one of Harley's old enemies

Presentation, in which Simon has a plan

Children Are Strange, in which Eerie's local Black Eyed Kids take an interest in Simon's dog



Ongoing Verse: The Powers That Be



Preparations by froodle. Winston Chisel, the morning he became Mayor.

Confluence, in which Eerie experiences a midsummer and a full moon and takes full advantage of both

Harvest, in which it is 1979, and the Harvest Moon is rising

Hungry, in which the Mayor is unimpressed

Licensing, in which Chisel lays down some bureaucracy

Light Pollution, in which there is a newcomer in town

The Storm, in which Mayor Chisel has a very specific job for Eerie's resident weatherman

Not Welcome, in which there is an intruder at the World o' Stuff

Reading Room, in which Marshall looks around

Subsidence, in which the Loya Order of Corn experiances some structural issues

Shattered Dreams, in which there are space whales

Greenery, in which there are hanging baskets

Loss Prevention, in which there is hubbub at the Eerie Mall

Targeted Marketing, in which Radford has some promotional material

Capability, in which the are Bigfoots, and Marshall is unwell

The Listener, in which Eerie dreams, and Melanie watches

Populace, in which it is just another normal day

Still, in which there are worst things than Old Bob

Clockface, in which there is an early start, and a character death

CAT, in which two members of the Canine Liberation Army go on patrol, and have an unpleasant experience

Blue Apron, in which Mayor Chisxel considers an expansion to the town by-laws

National Garlic Day, in which there are vampires, and restauranteurs, and conflict

Housekeeping, in which there is a cult, and things get awkward

Strawberry, in which Eerie celebrates the summer

High Speed Sanitation, in which there is a street race

World Chocolate Day, in which there is a heatwave

Pressure Tactics, in which Chisel faces off against Eerie's ravens

Upgrade, in which there are changes happening at the Eerie Library

Waterlogged, in which there is a problem with the Eerie water supply

Bag for Death, in which Radford is a born salesman, and Radford is learning

Eww... in which Simon makes bad choices

Public Spaces, in which there is a soiree

Deterrent, in which there are pigeon spikes

The Bad News List, in which Dash is himself

Leisurewear, in which the Loyal Order of Corn has a surprisingly generous leave policy

Jackolantern, in which there is a disturbance at the local pumpkin patch

Pest Control, in which the Mayor is an unhappy customer

Frost Spiders, in which Eerie's Christmas decorations are very beautiful

Freelancing, in which Sara Sue takes a consultancy gig

Presentation, in which Chisel has an edict, and Simon has a plan

Email, in which Marshall is 29 and Eerie is never as far away as you think

Agenda, in which the Mayor takes a meeting

Visitor, in which Marshall's grandmother comes to stay



Ongoing Verse: Microwave



Preliminary sketch for a custom Sparky plush by Pixelkei

Finished Sparky plush by Pixelkei

Sparky 2 plush by Erik237

Sparky versus Manticore sketch by Kari L Korthals

The Bridge, in which there is not a troll, and Mars is very sad

Garden Warfare, in which the age-old rivalry between garden gnomes and lawn flamingoes finally boils over

Bonfire by froodle, in which Pinocchio is ruined forever

Lost and Found, in which the Unkind Ones honour one of their own

Chicken, in which something has made it's den in Eerie

Ruminant, in which there are witches, and also a goat

Good to Eat, in which Marshall investigates the Chickeniest Chicken Palace

Underwhelming, in which a cursed book fails to deliver

Virtual Reality, in which Things Incorporated branches out into the world of home entertainment

Mystery Box, in which Syndi helps the boys out

Numeracy, in which Marshall is not believed

Statistically Possible, in which Marshall is still not believed

Rules of War, in which there is a waterfight

Family Business, in which Marshall and Syndi help their dad out

Castle, in which there is unexpected architecture in Eerie

Budget Restraints, in which Simon and Marshall's disguises are somewhat lacklustre.

Concealment, in which there is a costume party

Party Guests, in which the costume party is attended

Targeted Marketing, in which Radford has a new advertising campaign, and Marshall has doubts

Controversial, in which Poplio's wrath is invoked

Film Festival, in which Poplio and Holly Golightly battle it out

Competing Traditions, in which there's nothing worse than an Easter weekend

Gingerbread by froodle, in which there is a witch in the Eerie Woods

Leaves by froodle, in which plantlife finds Marshall entirely too enticing

Defacement, in which the Eerie PD investigates a terrible crime

Foreseeable, in which an Eerie parade goes exactly as usual

Obvious, in which, in Dash's opinion, some people aren't worth saving

Loss Prevention, in which the boys investigate strange goings on at the Eerie Mall

Disco, in which there are ghouls, and disco balls

Pop Culture, in which Marshall dresses for Halloween

Offspring by froodle, in which there are dragons

Message in a Bottle, in which something is bugging Marshall

And Introducing... in which Dash X makes some powerful allies

Untouchable, in which the boys are dismayed by Eerie's fauna

Shattered Dreams, in which there are cosmic whales

Ewww... in which Simon makes poor choices

Divergent, in which Harley and Dash have a conversation

The Worst Christmas Ever, in which Marshall buys a pie from a food stall, and is very disappointed

The Off Season, in which a stakeout at Lake Eerie proves disappointing

Observations, in which there is suspicious activity on Wolf Mountain

Wildlife by froodle, in which Simon and Marshall go to the beach

Dinner Conversation, in which Syndi and Marshall revive an old argument

Don't Cross the Streams, in which Dash commits the cardinal sin

Sub-Aquatic, in which there are suspicious stains in the fountain

Aesthetics/Practicalities, in which Dash and Marshall clash over outerwear

Desired Effect, in which Simon and Marshall shop for decorations

Based on Your Previous Purchases by froodle, in which Mars should really pay attention to Amazon's reccomendations

Community Service, in which Dash refuses to quietly do his time

Technicalities, in which Simon is both disappointed, and mad

Golf Course, in which the re-seeding does not take as well as hoped

Housework by froodle, in which a rota cannot be agreed upon

Division of Labour, in which the eventually-agreed-upon rota may have overlooked a few things

Misleading, in which Grungy Bill struggles with the concept of French Toast

Breakfast by froodle, in which Dash's attempts at cookery do not go well

Ghost in the Machine by froodle, in which a new laptop opens an old wound

Consequences by froodle, in which an encounter with leprechauns leaves the boys very tired indeed

The Microwave by froodle, in which Andrea Fantucci returns to Eerie after a considerable absense

The Eldritch Abomination in the Room by froodle, in which the microwave is most definitely not discussed

Basic Household Maintenance by froodle, in which manticores are inconsiderate houseguests

The Lift, in which Marshall is not fooled

Torrential by froodle, in which there is a storm, and the boys eat ice-cream

Shortest Day, in which the lack of daylight takes effect

Neighbourly, in which Marshall tries to help out a person who might not even be there

Saturday Brunch, in which some eggs go awry

Upgrade?, in which the possibility of a new sofa is mooted

Linens by froodle, in which Dash X makes a bed

Bedtime, in which Marshall brushes his teeth

Bathtub, in which there is something in the pipes

Product Testing, in which there is something distressing on the breakfast table

Multiplicity, in which there are milkmen

Hound by froodle, in which Simon makes a friend

Night Music by froodle, in which Simon is woken by a nocturnal visitor

Houseshare, in which Sparky learns an important life lesson regarding Manticores

Sabotage, in which Marshall also learns an important life lesson regarding Manticores

Event Appropriate, in which Simon is startled

Inherent, in which evidence is destroyed and Marshall suspects a conspiracy

Inevitable, in which the weather is spiteful and the manticore is indifferent

In For The Night by froodle, in which Dash refuses to leave the house

Errands by froodle, in which Simon has a to-do list

Dinner Theatre, in which Marshall has trouble finishing his meal

Walkies, in which Simon takes his dog for a walk

Tractable, in which Sparky's new lead does not go well

Obedience, in which Sparky misbehaves and an ancient nature god is displeased

Play Date, in which Sparky mades some friends

The Bad News List, in which Dash makes an upsetting announcement

Stable, in which there is a Night Mare

Children Are Strange, in which there is a visitor

Morning Routine, in which Marshall brews coffee

Waterlogged by froodle, in which Eerie experiences heavy rainfall

A Form You Are Comfortable With, in which Marshall has car drama

Parking Spot, in which Marshall is particular

Antiquing, in which Marshall offers a helping hand to Mary C. Carter, and she's not that into it

Arboretum, in which Simon keeps the home fires burning

Belfast Disco, in which it is St. Patrick's Day in Eerie

Bulk Buy, in which Dash's rivalry with the leprechauns quite literally spills over to a shared office space

Incendiary, in which Marshall gets the wrong end of the shillelagh

Bright Lights, in which there is glitter

Explicit Lyrics, in which Sparky is a cheeky boy

Woozy, in which Marshall isn't well

Leisurewear, in which Dash has some time off

Tempest, in which the Sea Hag makes an appearance

Rescue, in which there are jackalope kittens

Turnip, in which Marshall dispenses some interesting facts

Plausible, in which there is damage to Marshall's car

Parking, in which Marshall struggles to parallel park and Dash is less than helpful

Rainbow by froodle, in which Dash fails to properly appreciate Michael Flatley

Premature, in which Simon is festive at exactly the wrong time

Too Far, in which Simon is once again thwarted

Jackolantern by froodle, in which the local pumpkin patch has a problem

Pest Control, in which Mayor Chisel is a dissatisfied customer

Pressure Tactics, in which the Mayor goes up against Eerie's ravens

Absent Friends, in which Wally and Simon share a moment

Reconnaissance, in which Dash is unhappy with his assignment

Changeable Conditions, in which the weather still hates Marshall

Trash Day, in which the bins need emptying

Cleanup, in which Dash is... himself.

Alternative Version, in which there is another Sparky

Shared Facilties, in which there is bathroom drama

The Fir Tree, in which there is further feline misbehaviour

Costumed Hero, in which Marshall is way too excited about left-over party trash

Clear Out, where the post-Christmas leftovers meet their doom

Project Research, in which there's something wrong with the tap water

Pixie Paste, in which Dash uses a garlic paste

Civic Duty, in which the Ladies Society for the Beautification of Eerie take up their positions

At The Dinner Table, in which an invitation is extended

Workaday, in which Simon heads to his job and encounters one of Harley's old foes

Moon Rabbit, in which Simon performs surgery

Presentation, in which Chisel has an edict, and Simon has a plan

Early Finish, in which there is a disturbance outside Simon's office

Comments

[evilinsanemonkey]

smart boy, simon

i like shitty customer bingo

[froodle]

It's specifically designed for Chisel